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Monday, May 18, 2009

dnr

on Haight Street

The days where you take one step forward, and then two steps back... this is one of those times.

Little Helen, my grandma, is back in ICU today as of 3:30am. She finally finally got out of the hospital just days ago (again), and was doing much better (again), and was looking forward to getting back home in time to meet Baby Princess Chubness for the first time ever, and hopefully going to LCG's birthday celebration. My little curly girl niece will be three years old next week.

And my poor Bunny. I won't even go into it but this is the first time the conversation contained the letters DNR. Do Not Resuscitate.

dnr dnr dnr

My brain is so tired. I'm still a little bit sick so it makes me even more tired. Some days you just want to sit in a corner and stare at the wall.

I wasn't sure what else I wanted to say about this development, because there's really nothing one can say, or do, about the situation. Little Helen will either get a tiny bit better and maybe she'll get out of the hospital, which is becoming more difficult with each return visit, or she'll get worse and then that will be it. DNR.

But I found this poem. And in keeping with the post I wrote on Sunday, I think it is a continuation on a theme.

The Dash Poem

by Linda Ellis

I read of a man who stood to speak
At the funeral of a friend
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
From the beginning to the end

He noted that first came the date of her birth
And spoke the following date with tears,
But he said what mattered most of all
Was the dash between those years

For that dash represents all the time
That she spent alive on earth.
And now only those who loved her
Know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not how much we own;
The cars, the house, the cash,
What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard.
Are there things you’d like to change?
For you never know how much time is left,
That can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough
To consider what’s true and real
And always try to understand
The way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger,
And show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives
Like we’ve never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect,
And more often wear a smile
Remembering that this special dash
Might only last a little while.

So, when your eulogy is being read
With your life’s actions to rehash
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent your dash?

23 comments:

Andi May 18, 2009 at 12:35 PM  

My thoughts are with you Julie

Char May 18, 2009 at 12:38 PM  

I"m sorry honey xo

Middle Aged Woman Blogging May 18, 2009 at 12:56 PM  

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your Grandma. Beautiful post. I have the book about "The Dash" hidden away in my bedroom, but you have inspired me to dig it out! Thank you!

Brook May 18, 2009 at 1:02 PM  

I've heard/read this poem before. It is one of several that were read at our daughter's funeral. It is so true.

Elyse May 18, 2009 at 1:02 PM  

I'm so sorry...I send all of my best feelings to you and your family!!

poet May 18, 2009 at 1:03 PM  

Oh, I'm sorry... hope your grandma will get better again... The poem is very beautiful, though.

Greetings,
poet

Yoli May 18, 2009 at 1:27 PM  

Oh my sweet girl, sending your grandmom healing thoughts. Sending you strength and inner peace.

~K May 18, 2009 at 1:27 PM  

My thoughts and prayers are with you Jules..Take care hon

~k

smith kaich jones May 18, 2009 at 1:40 PM  

Dearest Julie - this is so hard. When my father died, he had a DNR. I hated it - I hated it! But the thing is, he'd always told us to keep him alive no matter what, no matter what. Until. He'd had dangerous open heart surgery, suffered another heart attack in ICU, developed pneumonia, wnet into a coma for several days, etc., etc., etc., was on life support for a couple of days, and when he'd made it through all that, he said no mas. DNR me. So we did, and I was with him when the end came & no one did anything, and it was peaceful & quiet & just a breath & he was gone. And I've always figured that if someone who was so adamant about being kept alive at whatever cost could change his mind, then perhaps it really is time to say goodbye.

I hope Little Helen will get better. But when the time comes, please know it will be all right. It will suck, it will hurt, it will be awful, but it will be all right.

And here's hoping you will feel better soon, also.

:) Debi

a painter May 18, 2009 at 1:41 PM  

My thoughts are with you. My own grandmother was also "Little Helen" and I am named after her. It is very, very hard to go through this. So sorry and hoping for the best.

shabby girl May 18, 2009 at 2:52 PM  

Sounds like this woman has filled a big part of your dash with something special. Good thoughts and big hugs!

rosedale's 4 head May 18, 2009 at 3:21 PM  

Hey girl...I've been there with my father...the beauty of it...him, in his own bed, in his own home, with his wife and 4 of 5 children around to see him through passing from the physical life to the spiritual one...it's so hard to let them go AND he refused to be so medicated because he wanted to enjoy us, the last moments with us....remember to breathe and enjoy her now...i hope she gets better but it sounds like she's got alotta good love around...that makes all the best difference...thinking of you....

paris parfait May 18, 2009 at 5:06 PM  

Oh sweetheart, big hugs to you. HUGE hugs! Thinking of you and yours and hoping for the best. xoxox

Marilyn Miller May 18, 2009 at 7:17 PM  

The poem is so perfect. Thanks for sharing that and your concern and love Helen. Prayers are sent your way.

ArtSparker May 18, 2009 at 8:31 PM  

Sorry to hear of this hard time. Hope you can take things a bit easy for a couple of days, things like this are even more overwhelming when you are under the weather.

Vanessa May 19, 2009 at 5:42 AM  

My dear Tangobaby, here is a tight hug for you. I will say a prayer for your little grandma.

Adam May 19, 2009 at 7:53 AM  

i feel a little late in getting to your blogs. vacation has taken me away from the computer for a short time [which the wife loves] and i have a few to get into the RSS feed and read some stuff.

My thoughts are with you and your family as this is probably a difficult time.

All will be well, no matter which way the chips fall, but just know that you have US....[the tangobaby community] here to help you get through what ever times may lie ahead; good or not so good.

Mari May 19, 2009 at 11:36 AM  

I'm sorry about your grandma, I hope she gets well enough to go to LCG's birthday.

julochka May 19, 2009 at 2:20 PM  

i'm so sorry to hear yet another piece of sad news. my heart goes out to you. i think you need to get outta town for awhile, sweetie. a change of scenery might do you good.

hugs from across the atlantic.

xoxox,
/j

SE'LAH... May 19, 2009 at 7:30 PM  

coming up for air and had to check in with you. sending lots of positive vibes your way. prayers sent up for Bunny.

be still. JAH will provide.

Love ya.

Sarah May 20, 2009 at 12:14 PM  

I'm thinking about you and your grand mom. (((Hugs)))

P.S. Great poem.

Sarah

sonorossa May 20, 2009 at 9:51 PM  

I am sending my thoughts to you and Little Helen. I hope she continues to improve. There is no replacement for a grandmother's love!

Relyn May 24, 2009 at 1:36 PM  

Oh, sweet friend, I was so sorry to hear about Little Helen. But, as I am reentering my blogging world slowly, I got the good news first. Am so glad to hear that Little Helen is better. Happy late birthday to that gorgeous Little Curly Girl, too.