I never thought it would come to this, but I need to start seeing other dances.
For over two years, you have been my light in the night. Sometimes you were the only thing I looked forward to and I waited for days to have you. You've given me a way of being, of feeling, that I guess I always had inside me but never knew how to express until I met you. You've made me feel confident, sexy, beautiful and an object of desire--to myself, if no one else.
You've also made me feel lonely, insecure and inadequate. But that's not fair to blame it on you--you didn't do that. I did it to myself.
Even though I love you so, dear Tango, I think I'm getting bored, unsettled, unsatisfied. I can't believe it myself, and I'm not sure what happened. I know experienced dancers say this happens to everyone, this slump I can't seem to break out of.
It's not you, it's me.
I'm not giving you up completely. That could never happen. I'll always want you in my life. I just need to stop putting all my eggs in one basket.
Tonight I started my first flamenco class. It was very challenging and my feet really hurt right now.
I'm going to have to learn to build stamina (which I don't have), muscles (ones I don't use) and precision (thinking!), while remaining graceful and poised. I'm going to have to do many things at one time: swirling wrists, flowing arms, bent knees, stomping feet and tapping heels.
Tonight I felt like a different kind of dancer. Like a dancer who only needs herself to be complete. I am not used to that. That is going to take a lot more practice than any kind of technique. Dancing on my own, alone. But in the company of women who are strong and powerful.
I think that sounds really awesome.
Wish me luck.
The first and third paintings are by talented contemporary artist Fabian Perez.
The second incredible image is El Jaleo by John Singer Sargeant.
Here are a few videos so you can see what the fuss is all about. The second one in particular reminds me of the veil dances in bellydancing.
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Tuesday, March 11, 2008