The Sacrificial Peep

Last year, I wrote what I consider the best Easter post I could have possibly ever written, especially considering that I have virtually no experience celebrating Easter and only have vague, sad memories of undergoing severe candy deprivation as a child.

That Easter candy void in my life caused me to have an obsession with Peeps. Peeps... you know-- the marshmallow chicks.

Anyway, last year's post was so perfect and I can't imagine improving on it this year, so I'm reposting it today because I'm sure most of you never saw it the first go-around. And it might give you some ideas for today's festivities if you get your hands on some Peeps. Enjoy!

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March 23, 2008

Professor Red Shoes recommended that I conduct a scientific experiment with a Peep, based on my previous post:

Tangobaby, you simply must microwave your next Peep. I'm not joking. Pop it in the microwave and set the thing for oh, thirty seconds or a minute. But here's the kicker: you must stay there and watch while it microwaves. Watch carefully.

So I waited until this morning, because I felt this day would be most appropriate, and perhaps auspicious, for such an undertaking.

Here are the results and observations from my laboratory notebook.

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Sunday, March 23, 8:20am: Peep is prepared on sanitary plate for insertion into microwave oven. Peep shows no sign of distress. See Figure 1.

Figure 1

Sunday, March 23, 8:21am: Microwave oven is set for 30 seconds, per Professor Red Shoes' instructions. Peep is placed directly in center of oven on rotating dish.

Sunday, March 23, 8:22am: 30 seconds has elapsed. Peep has undergone a transformation due to non-ionizing microwave radiation passing through the Peep, at a frequency of 2.45 GHz (wavelength of 12.24 cm). Please note brown speck of eye can still be seen, as well as a vestigial beak just to the left of remaining eye. See Figure 2.

Figure 2

During radation exposure, Peep inflated to Godzilla-like proportions, leading to further speculation that a kaijū may not be as fictional as we have been led to believe. See Figure 3.

Figure 3

Not to worry, though. My Godzilla Peep deflated within 2 seconds after re-entering normal atmospheric conditions. The Peep has transformed into more malleable creature. See Figure 4.

Figure 4

Conclusion: I am now aware that it is more fun to play with your Peeps than to eat them.

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ps.: Only because it seems very fitting, if you have not read the book Candyfreak by Steve Almond, you should. It's really hilarious. Unless you don't like candy. And then I might be a teeny bit worried about you.