De-Flowering/Flowering

“Use, do not abuse; neither abstinence nor excess ever renders man happy.” ~ Voltaire

***

I have been de-slumped. Lifted from my tango inertia.

De-wallflowered.

***

Last night I wore my silver shoes again, for the first time in what seemed like forever. I have worn flamenco shoes and ruffled skirts and ballet slippers and leotards over the past weeks, and my tango shoes have been left untouched.

I put myself on tango hiatus. I went into tango hibernation. I sent myself to my Tango Time Out Corner.

Somewhere along the way, I have been making myself crazy trying to keep up with the Tango Joneses. I don't even quite know who or what those Tango Joneses are, but all I know is that a dance that made me fall in love with myself, others, and the world was making me unhappy and dissatisfied.

I was tired of pretending that it was okay to be a wallflower and that I didn't mind it. So, like when a house isn't selling, the wise realtor takes the property off the market. So I took myself off the market, and found some other things to do.

***

Last night I went to Cellspace with Ms. Red Shoes. (If ever you need to be in the presence of a gentle, soothing soul, seek out her company.) In all of the weeks and months and now years that I have been dancing tango, I have never gone to this milonga. In my mind, I had decided that it wouldn't be a good fit for me, due to its reputation for being "alternative." I am, in my heart of hearts, a milonguero's girl.

And, as per usual, the things I set my mind against end up being the things that surprise and delight me the most.

I was not a wallflower. I did leg wraps and crazy big ochos and volcadas and I liked it.

And since I've been wondering for a while now if the Tango Angels had forsaken me, there is a new one in town. He is from Boston. He has to be the loveliest dancer I've danced with in a long time. I am sad for the girls in Boston. I am tentative in my excitement, not because I wouldn't love to dance with him any time he asks, but that I am used to my tango angels fading away after a while. But maybe that's just how it is and I'm only realizing it now.

I am purposely emerging from my tango hibernation slowly. I'm not going to jump into the deep end of the pool like I usually do.

I'm going to dip my toes in the water, and walk back in from the shallow end this time.