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Thursday, April 3, 2008

De-Flowering/Flowering

“Use, do not abuse; neither abstinence nor excess ever renders man happy.” ~ Voltaire

***

I have been de-slumped. Lifted from my tango inertia.

De-wallflowered.

***

Last night I wore my silver shoes again, for the first time in what seemed like forever. I have worn flamenco shoes and ruffled skirts and ballet slippers and leotards over the past weeks, and my tango shoes have been left untouched.

I put myself on tango hiatus. I went into tango hibernation. I sent myself to my Tango Time Out Corner.

Somewhere along the way, I have been making myself crazy trying to keep up with the Tango Joneses. I don't even quite know who or what those Tango Joneses are, but all I know is that a dance that made me fall in love with myself, others, and the world was making me unhappy and dissatisfied.

I was tired of pretending that it was okay to be a wallflower and that I didn't mind it. So, like when a house isn't selling, the wise realtor takes the property off the market. So I took myself off the market, and found some other things to do.

***

Last night I went to Cellspace with Ms. Red Shoes. (If ever you need to be in the presence of a gentle, soothing soul, seek out her company.) In all of the weeks and months and now years that I have been dancing tango, I have never gone to this milonga. In my mind, I had decided that it wouldn't be a good fit for me, due to its reputation for being "alternative." I am, in my heart of hearts, a milonguero's girl.

And, as per usual, the things I set my mind against end up being the things that surprise and delight me the most.

I was not a wallflower. I did leg wraps and crazy big ochos and volcadas and I liked it.

And since I've been wondering for a while now if the Tango Angels had forsaken me, there is a new one in town. He is from Boston. He has to be the loveliest dancer I've danced with in a long time. I am sad for the girls in Boston. I am tentative in my excitement, not because I wouldn't love to dance with him any time he asks, but that I am used to my tango angels fading away after a while. But maybe that's just how it is and I'm only realizing it now.

I am purposely emerging from my tango hibernation slowly. I'm not going to jump into the deep end of the pool like I usually do.

I'm going to dip my toes in the water, and walk back in from the shallow end this time.

7 comments:

Malevito April 3, 2008 at 2:02 PM  

Hi TB, how are you?

I'm glad you had a good time at Cellspace. I saw you there but I think you must have left early. I arrived during the video presentation, a little past 10:30.

I think I know your new angel. He's been in town only for a short time but seems to already be developing something of a reputation among followers who enjoy his lead. My partner goes out infrequently but always loves to dance with him when they cross paths.

I danced about the span of a tanda but that was it. In that short amount of time I stepped on at least two different people, I'm sure it was partly my fault but not entirely, and that was enough for me.

Anyway, welcome back into the pool! Marco...

studio wellspring April 3, 2008 at 3:37 PM  

you're no wallflower, my dear. you're a belle of the ball every time. i'm so sorry i couldn't join you lovely ladies last night. it would've been so wonderful to see ney's birthday dance too! soon, very soon, my afflictions will be over & i'll be back out there, dancing.
oh how i miss the dance floors in my life.

Red shoes April 3, 2008 at 3:49 PM  

TB, you're an angel yourself, and you're such a pleasure to watch on the dance floor. You must point out this fella next time around...

paris parfait April 3, 2008 at 4:14 PM  

I can't imagine anyone ever considering you a wallflower! On the contrary, I would think you'd be the center of attention. Glad you enjoyed your tango evening - I find that too - it's often the places where I have to drag myself when I don't feel like going out that end up being the most fun. xoxox

Johanna April 4, 2008 at 11:01 AM  

I'm SOOOOOO happy to hear you're back in the splash. Re-flowered!

Take is slowly.

And enjoy your water wings :-)
http://www.diehlstudios.com/P18%20085%204%20Year%20Old%20Boy%20With%20Water%20Wings%20And%20Goggles%20Floats%20In%20Pool.jpg

Miss Tango April 4, 2008 at 3:22 PM  

It is good to go into Tango Hibernation every once in awhile. It is more common than you think, and part of the Tango Process I believe.

tangobaby April 4, 2008 at 7:52 PM  

Hola everyone,

Thank you all for your encouragement and support. And now to each and every one of you lovely people:

Dear Malevito,

I am not surprised that this young man has a following of followers already. *sigh* Now I have someone else to pine for.

How is it that you know what I look like but I don't know you? I must be really dense. And my super secret superspy disguise is not working very well. Next time, will you please give me a secret nudge or poke or just say hello?

I really feel like a dork that I don't know you!

;-)

Hi my sweet Ms. Wellspring,

One can still feel like a wallflower inside. Someday I'll explain it to you.

Ney's birthday dance was very cute and fun.

Dear Red Shoes,

Thank you. Having you with me made such a difference. I will be sure to show my angel to you. We must go back to Cellspace again together.

Hi Paris Parfait,

When you come to see me, I will take you to a milonga and then you will understand this crazy little tango world. One cannot be the belle of the ball all the time.

Dear Johanna,

Of all my friends, you would understand and explain myself to me best. xoxo

Hi Miss Tango,

I know, you are right. But when it's you and not someone else, all of a sudden all of that wisdom goes out the door. Maybe when it happens next time I won't be so bummed about it.