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Wednesday, August 19, 2009

oh, fuck it all.

I am trying to get my mother effing prints framed today for my show at Tedda Hughes at the end of the month. A normal person would think this would be easy. This should be my happy day... my photography show is coming up!

But no. It's not easy.

***

The frames don't easily accommodate the mats I've picked, which means I am using a butter knife and a hammer (don't ask) to make things work.

Once I get the mother effing print and mat inside the frame, it's looks like I've also framed a pubic hair, wedged between the mat and the glass. It's not a pubic hair but it might as well be. Now I can't get the effing frame apart. [Note to self: do not use the wool rug as a staging area for framing.]

I blow into a wedge between the glass and the mat to see if I can dislodge the hair, but now all I've done is fog up the glass. And now there's dust in there too.

Fuck me.

I should at least put on a bra and brush my hair. I did break a nail with the hammer/butter knife combo but I have not given up yet.

And then, to top it off, I have unwittingly pissed off someone in Greece.

Hi Tangobaby (blogger buddy)
I don't follow you anymore (don't cry).
So, no other complains from me anymore.Actually I regret so much,that I've sent you those e-mails and commended on your posts.
I shouldn't done that.It seems you dislike Greece. I'm sure.! Only if you knew what Greece/Greeks are for the world.
You should learn...

I know you'll believe me when I tell you I have no idea who this person is.

The fact that I am low carbing it right now and have absolutely NO Ben & Jerry's and NO chocolate stashed away is so completely unfortunate and if was I wasn't still running around with a knife and a hammer, braless, I would go outside to get some Cherry Garcia, but now I'm worried what might happen next.

I probably shouldn't even be writing this.

Please send chocolate or a professional framer.

24 comments:

Quarter Thrower August 19, 2009 at 5:38 PM  

if we lived close, my wife is a genious at framing and I would bring ice cream. I got a comment from someone today too. Mine wasn't as nice as that one. Oh well. good luck!!!!

Anonymous August 19, 2009 at 5:50 PM  

I can't understand what that person was saying...

It's all-

GREEK TO ME!!!!!

HO!
HEY!
HEY -OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Don't let the Greek-man hold you down. We believe in you, even if you don't like Greece =P
I mean is Greece helping you frame these pictures? NOOOoooooo....

So, take your hot bra-less self to a Double Rainbow and get small scoop of love. Come back to that frame, smack it around a bit and tell it who's boss!

Christian

PS
You're next GREEKY!


pps...
I'm so going to Hades for this.

iasa August 19, 2009 at 6:24 PM  

how avant garde of you to frame a pubic hair look alike. I'm sure you will persever even without chocolate.

I'm sure the show will be great, sorry i won't be able to see it.

Marilyn Miller August 19, 2009 at 6:30 PM  

I totally feel what you are feeling. I have had a few days like that recently. But then I can't write about them on a blog that only writes about delights or can I? I hope your evening and the rest of the week gets better.

Louis Duke August 19, 2009 at 8:06 PM  

I hate how nothing is ever as easy as it seems.

Bill Stankus August 19, 2009 at 8:12 PM  

Here's a curve ball for you. The typical printer with all those little ink bottles ... well, the ink is not permanent and so prints will have a short life (several years) before they color shift.

As far as the Greek thing - Ouzo straight or on the rocks is always nice. Ompah!

Petunia Face August 19, 2009 at 8:18 PM  

Try rubbing the glass with a Bounce dryer sheet before framing. It might help with your stray pubeish hair cling issue.

For that matter, try rubbing the Greek email with a Bounce sheet, too. I have no idea what this will do except make it smell nice, but that always seems to help any situation.

Char August 19, 2009 at 8:57 PM  

as Eddie Murphy once said to Bill Cosby, "have a coke and a smile ... and shut the Fuck up" - that could be an appropriate response. But probably not seeing as it's late and I'm without chocolate too.

I say put on a cardigan and go get the ice cream. things always look better after ice cream.

Mari August 19, 2009 at 9:14 PM  

Oh baby, you must send the boy out for some Ben & Jerry's right now! (stamp)

...and that one greek is an archimalakas!

(here you go if you need more: http://www.youswear.com/index.asp?language=Greek&word=kolotripa)

Andi August 19, 2009 at 9:17 PM  

Anonymous cracks me up! It will all be ok! Can you tell me when and where the show is? I would love to go!

An Open Heart August 19, 2009 at 10:58 PM  

Okay, so, I'm late to the party as usual...I hope your framing issue got resolved without too much more violence with the hammer and the butter knife (good combo, by the way, I usually use a screw driver and a mallet) and that somehow, somewhere, chocolate and/or ice cream were involved in the resolution!

Will you be posting an official announcement of your show on your blog? (duh? right?)

;o)
S

londontango August 20, 2009 at 1:01 AM  

That was the funniest and most honest rant I have read in a long time.
Hopefully, now that this is a new day, you will have vented and sorted out your problems.
Forget the Greek guy, he's history.
It is never a good idea to give up chocolate and ice cream when under stress. Good luck with your show, I am sure it will be great.

My Castle in Spain August 20, 2009 at 5:54 AM  

oh gosh..i guess pubic looking hair could be the cherry on the cake! sorry..bad joke...chin up Julie and i agree with others, forget about the Greek...
Sending you tons of good luck for your show !!
:-)

AphotoAday August 20, 2009 at 6:21 AM  

--Yeah, why are you always picking on Greece?

But seriously, about framing, I know from whence you speak... Not too long ago I had to frame six prints for the Marin County Fair, and besides the recalcitrant specks of dirt and the occasional unexplained pubic hair I managed to nastily slice one of my fingers on a piece of glass...   Your post didn't mention blood, yet...   Be careful...

J9 August 20, 2009 at 8:10 AM  

I was going to recommend investing in an exacto knife, but considering your lack of pleasure inducing food, and the potential for glass cuts on top of it, I think you should trade photography for framing with an art school student.

Camels & Chocolate August 20, 2009 at 9:57 AM  

Framing is the most annoying thing in the world! I feel your pain, sista.

Also, you know you've truly "made it" as a blogger once you've received rude e-mails and/or comments, right? =) Just the other day some punk-ass college kid left me a message saying "you have got to be the trashiest person I have ever seen...horse face!" Could it be all the knee-length skirts and cardigans that tipped him off to my trashy nature, I wonder?

Good luck getting all of your prints ready! Can't wait to see them up in the shop!

Gabby August 20, 2009 at 10:06 AM  

Go, Go,Go, Go, Go!!!!!!!!!

I luvs ya.

(from the man currently reading more than his share of email manuscript rejections from asshole agents.)

Sputter......

Rachel August 20, 2009 at 11:33 AM  

Jeez. If its not one thing, it's another. Good luck with the framing. I've got no advice to offer regarding the angry Greek, except that I can't believe you have a hatred for the Greeks, I am sure it was misinterpreted. Maybe you had some past-its-date Greek style yogurt, or something?

Pines Lake Redhead August 20, 2009 at 12:13 PM  

I came to your site via BlogHer. I love your photos... they're beautiful! I'm sure your show will be fabulous.

smith kaich jones August 20, 2009 at 3:17 PM  

Oh, I shouldn't laugh, really I shouldn't, but I saw this last night & my heart just went out to you even though I was laughing, cause what else can you do sometimes? The best thing (for me, anyway) was that I'd been re-designing my blog & I had to re-enter all my links by hand, which, again, whatcha gonna do? So I was typing away, trying to not screw up, and as soon as I hit save & checked it, your post was the first title up - top of the list. Oh, fuck it all. I really couldn't help but laugh at the perfect timing.

Things better today?

:) Debi

glnroz August 20, 2009 at 3:20 PM  

you definately need to spend more time worrying about the Greek Dude(ette), I am sure that has got you befuddled. and, you need to go ahead and speak you mind, not stay all bottled up.. lol..but you ARE intertaining,,

sonorossa August 20, 2009 at 3:46 PM  

I think that you should put the wool carpet fragments/pubic hairs in ALL of your frames. It will make a statement. You can give the show a fancy title such as "Pubique."

Oh pleeeease tell me where I can find the Greek guy's blog! I want to send him a random email accusing him of hating the Jews. I will finish said email by saying, "If ONLY you knew what Jews are for the world." I'm feeling mischevious this afternoon!

XXOO,
your Jewish sistah

robin bird August 23, 2009 at 1:07 PM  

oh you wild woman you!! i love you so much! a butter knife and hammer...and swearing like crazy and no proper clothes or makeup. but i can relate :) Things are moving so fast for you!! good god! i feel like i have an electric wire connected to my heart it is pounding so fast with happiness and excitement! it is!i'm kind of glad i stumbled upon these career/creative artist developments all at once in four posts so the excitement is quadrupled for me!

Relyn August 24, 2009 at 5:51 AM  

Since I already know this is all in the past, I can laugh my head off. Seems as though your week last week and mine were quite a match. I hope mine turns out as well yours seems to be.