oh, fuck it all.

I am trying to get my mother effing prints framed today for my show at Tedda Hughes at the end of the month. A normal person would think this would be easy. This should be my happy day... my photography show is coming up!

But no. It's not easy.

***

The frames don't easily accommodate the mats I've picked, which means I am using a butter knife and a hammer (don't ask) to make things work.

Once I get the mother effing print and mat inside the frame, it's looks like I've also framed a pubic hair, wedged between the mat and the glass. It's not a pubic hair but it might as well be. Now I can't get the effing frame apart. [Note to self: do not use the wool rug as a staging area for framing.]

I blow into a wedge between the glass and the mat to see if I can dislodge the hair, but now all I've done is fog up the glass. And now there's dust in there too.

Fuck me.

I should at least put on a bra and brush my hair. I did break a nail with the hammer/butter knife combo but I have not given up yet.

And then, to top it off, I have unwittingly pissed off someone in Greece.

Hi Tangobaby (blogger buddy)

I don't follow you anymore (don't cry).

So, no other complains from me anymore.Actually I regret so much,that I've sent you those e-mails and commended on your posts.

I shouldn't done that.It seems you dislike Greece. I'm sure.! Only if you knew what Greece/Greeks are for the world.

You should learn...

I know you'll believe me when I tell you I have no idea who this person is.

The fact that I am low carbing it right now and have absolutely NO Ben & Jerry's and NO chocolate stashed away is so completely unfortunate and if was I wasn't still running around with a knife and a hammer, braless, I would go outside to get some Cherry Garcia, but now I'm worried what might happen next.

I probably shouldn't even be writing this.

Please send chocolate or a professional framer.

The path of violence

I don't see the heroic here, just the terror.

***

"...I think about every client who has come through our doors and their horrific stories of abuse - I cannot help but cry when I think about what the loss of our services will mean to victims. Those who walk through our doors have suffered through broken bones, beatings, strangulation, food deprivation, arson, torture, genital mutilation and unspeakable sexual violence. They have been thrown down flights of stairs, have been victim to violent physical attacks during pregnancy and have even faced the prospect of murder. Victims seek our services to escape incredible violence aimed at them and their children." ~ Executive Director Nicole Shellcroft, The Domestic Violence Center in Santa Clarita Valley

***

Our disaster of a governor has cut 100% of Domestic Violence funding to create his Frankenstein budget. Forget about the kids that won't have healthcare. Forget about AIDS.

I'm trying to remember what was so horribly, terribly wrong with Gray Davis, that a duly elected official was recalled from office.

Arnold Schwarzenegger is to California what George W. Bush was to the United States. Only the kicker is that California citizens now suffer because of both of them.

***

On the eve of K and the kids moving to their new home, I am heartsick to write this post. You know as well as I do that our fair city was unable to give this family shelter due to domestic violence and housing issues.

You know as well as I do that the only reason this family remained intact was because of the kindness of strangers.

But they are just one family. I am so fearful for the women and children who will die because of this budget cut. Domestic violence affects us all. It truly truly does.

UPDATE 11:07AM: If you are a CA resident, please please please sign this petition to restore funds for California's domestic violence program. If you're not a CA resident but have friends or family in the state, please send them this link. I don't have to tell you that lives are at stake here. Please do what you can to raise awareness of this and get these funds back to help fund the shelters that these women and children need desperately.

***

Photo I took yesterday of the statue of Jeanne d'Arc at the Legion of Honor. What I wouldn't give for a strong-willed woman with a sword to take some of our officials to task right now.

But MY Red Velvet Cupcake recipe kicks ass!

And I wasn't invited!

Were you invited to the Board of Supervisors' Baking Throwdown?
What, is someone at City Hall trying to get a show on the Food Network?

You weren't worried about the city budget anymore, were you? I guess that whole budget thing worked out just fine. What were we all so upset about? And they had enough money left in the budget to make that special Cake Cape.

ps.: I'm sorry to sound like such a spoil sport. I'm back on the low carb thing again and it's making me really bitter and hateful of city politics. I even lied about the cupcake recipe: I don't have one. I suspect that this bakeoff is dredging up (flour pun intended) my long-buried childhood pain from never having an E-Z Bake Oven when I was eight... oh, but I digress...

Thanks to Emamd for sharing this little bizarre petit four of SF politics with us right before bedtime. I wonder if anyone wants to accompany me Thursday to Room 256 to see this special event. I'm unemployed so it's not like I have anything pressing to do.

Goodnight, Fog City. May visions of coconut cupcakes and tall angel food cakes fill your dreams tonight, without any calories.

Is this speech in some sort of bizarre code?

I know I'm still a little "under the weather" after my Kir Royalelapalooza last night, but it can't be just me... what the fuck is she talking about? Is this what speaking in tongues sounds like?

I am so pissed that Jon Stewart and Steven Colbert are on vacation.
Only they can explain this speech. And perhaps why she is gasping for breath.

The Accidental Blonde

"I'm not offended by all the dumb-blonde jokes because I know that I'm not dumb. I also know I'm not blonde." ~ Dolly Parton

***

I know it probably doesn't sound normal to become a blonde without knowing that was going to happen but today that is what happened. I know like I've been feeling like I needed to lighten up a bit lately, but I didn't realize that I was taking myself so literally.

I actually just went in for a haircut.

***

"It was a blonde. A blonde to make a bishop kick a hole in a stained-glass window." ~ Raymond Chandler

Getting to blonde is not easy. And there's no turning back once you start down that path.

However, if I ever get to the point where I can make a bishop or any other guy kick a hole in a stained-glass window, I'm going to enjoy the path to blondeness.

I'm going to see if we do have more fun, too.

***

"Hair style is the final tip-off whether or not a woman really knows herself." ~ Hubert de Givenchy, Vogue, July 1985

Uh-oh.

***

So, here's what happened after six hours and four shampoos. My hair is the cleanest hair in the entire world.

And it's blonde.

Holy Hell!

***

The Boy thinks it's funny. He says now I have to have a sunnier disposition to match my hair.
Then he said I look like Joan Blondell, and I'm totally okay with that.



I love her. I can do this blonde thing.

And justice for...

in Chinatown

***

Prop 8 was upheld. I wish I could say I was surprised (sadly, I'm not) but I can't say that I don't have a stomach ache now. Because I do. This is pathetic.

Fucking pathetic.

But in their infinite wisdom, our state Supreme Court judges are allowing the marriages that have already taken place to stand. How can they rule on both sides of the issue like that? It makes absolutely no sense at all.

Let's chalk another one up for the Mormon Church and fanatical religious zealots all over. I'm so disgusted right now. I just don't have anything else to say.

Go to Courage Campaign and do what you can. If other states can have equal marriage rights, why can't California?

***

"War. Rape. Murder. Poverty. Equal rights for gays. Guess which one the Southern Baptist Convention is protesting?" ~ The Value of Families

While You Were Out

Dear Gavin,

I hope you had fun in Washington DC yesterday, meeting with all of those important people in our nation's capital. Are they helping you out with your gubernatorial campaign? How was the Victory Garden Tour at the White House?

Well, I just wanted to keep you up to date with some things you might have missed out on since you're not in town too much these days. Even though your schedule says you're in your office today, I didn't see you when I was outside City Hall this morning.

Maybe you didn't realize this, but today there was a press conference on the steps of City Hall by homeless mothers. Apparently, homeless mothers in the community have been trying to meet you for over two years to talk about housing and issues that affect their families, but somehow you're never available to meet with them...

Here are some of the kids that your mayorship affects with the city's lack of transitional and low income housing for families...

Little kids living in one room SROs in Chinatown (7 people living in one room? That's insane.)

Mothers worried about how they'll survive each day.

People holding up a banner that reads "housing is a right, not a privilege."

Rachel and Lisa from helpamotherout.org were there. They have a diaper drive to help mothers who need the basics and can't get them because there aren't enough services. Did you know that there isn't even ONE diaper bank in the entire city of San Francisco?

Lisa, Rachel and I had to leave after the press conference to meet with K and bring her some diapers, formula, blankets and other items for the baby. But another concerned mom from Badgermama went up to your offices with the rest of the crowd and here is what she reported about being outside of your office for an hour:

I went up to the Mayor's Office with about 20 people. They kicked us out of the office and said that the one woman who can access the mayor's schedule was in a meeting. We waited in the hall outside the Mayor's office for over an hour.

Finally a guy came out and all he did was take a phone number down and promise that someone would call the coalition to make an appointment. Everyone had to leave, the children were restless, the ABC reporter split off some of the most involved folks to get them to go with him and a cameraman to someone's apartment in Chinatown where 7 people live in 1 room.

I played with children in the hallway so that moms could talk to the cameras some more...

So there you go, Gavin... just a little recap of the stuff going on right outside your door, fyi.

UPDATE 7:44pm: Here is the news segment that aired on KGO tonight.

***

On an entirely different note...

Kelly! These animals were a HUGE HIT!!! The kids LOVE them! Thank you so much!!! They told me to say thank you! They immediately started playing and hugging them. So adorable. You knew exactly what to get.

xoxo

julie

Maybe we just need a newer Underground Railroad

I don't pray but tonight I wish I knew how. I hope I don't have to write the rest of this post.

You know today's world is a fucked up place when the Underground Railroad starts looking like the only way to get things done.

Please please please send hope.

San Francisco's Magical Telephone Number and the Angels of "They"

Does anyone know where I can get a pair of these in a size 7?

***

Once upon a time, there was a little homeless woman with three small beautiful children. As a victim of domestic violence, where ever she turned, people told the mother to call a toll-free number that would put her in touch with shelters that could help her. They, the Angels of They, would know what to do. They could help her and her children.

The little homeless mother did just that.

She called the toll-free number almost every day, at 10am, like she was supposed to. For weeks.

And then, she called the shelters that the hotline told her to. Just like she was supposed to. Not just once. Many, many times.

And do you know what happened next, dear readers? Can you guess?

***

Here is what happened. When the little homeless mother called these shelters, these were the kinds of replies that she got:

"We don't have any room right now."

"We don't have any room for a family of your size." (ie., one mother, one little girl aged seven, one son aged nine, and a two-month old baby.)

And here are the even better replies:

"Why do you keep calling us all the time?!" (because some people learned to recognize the little homeless woman's voice)

"I told you the other day we didn't have anything for you! Why do you keep calling?"

Now that's helpful!

***

And there is the truth of the situation. Not for just ONE family, but for who knows how many. Dozens? Hundreds?

On Friday, K finally had a chance to call a shelter that was willing to do an intake for her case. She waited for her call at 1pm (I know this because I called her beforehand to wish her luck).

She started to discuss her situation with the shelter worker, who was then interrupted and asked K if she could call her back to finish the intake.

And guess what? THE WOMAN FROM THE SHELTER NEVER CALLED BACK.

K called the shelter but they never finished the phone call. So not only was she not able to be helped by this shelter, she wasn't even able to finish her intake call so that the shelter could DECIDE if they wanted to take her case or if they were even able to help her.

And that, my friends, is how the system really works.

***

I told K yesterday that if one more person tells me to "just have K call this toll-free number and 'They' will be able to help her..." that I was going to punch them. No matter how well meaning they might be. I said if I had a freaking dollar for every person who's told me that already, I could probably have rented them a suite at the Palace Hotel.

K laughed and said, "Now you know how I feel."

Please keep telling your friends about this story, and the bigger and sadder situation that exists in San Francisco. I love this city, but day by day I become more embarrassed by how it can't help the people who need it most.

Well, now who do we turn to?

I just had a conversation with Dariush Kayhan of the Department of Homeless Services. You might remember that he was the person from City Hall who was interviewed for the KGO segment last night.

I had asked you all to help continue the attention on this story and contact Mr. Kayhan to see what he was going to do to help resolve this family's story and get them into a safe place.

It seems like you really did pull out the stops and apparently we've really ruined his day today. He was upset with me that I put his phone number and email on the blog. It must be almost as tough to get calls from people worried about a little homeless family than actually being the little homeless family.

But here's the interesting part: even though Mr. Kayhan is the head of the Department of Homeless Services, he tells me that his department doesn't oversee domestic violence shelters. He made a call for K, but outside of that, the shelter is a non-profit (funded in part by the city, perhaps?) and he can't control whether they accept her or not.

Apparently we should be speaking to someone from the Department on the Status of Women. Ahh, who knew?

So in essence, Mr. Kayush been working to help homeless people for many years, but if you're a homeless victim of domestic violence, you need to look to another department for help.

If I'm confused, can you imagine how a homeless mother of three might feel? Who just calls shelters day after day? And so who exactly should have been interviewed on the subject from City Hall?

So, please. Good people, leave Mr. Kayhan alone. He can't really help us.

But that begs the question... is there ANYONE in City Hall who can help? What's going on over there?

Twitter This, Gavin

From yesterday's SFist:

"While Gavin Newsom tours California to tout his successes as mayor of San Francisco -- not to mention spending the weekend at the insider-baseball-y Democratic Convention in Sacramento, along with practically every other SF progressive and wonk -- he hasn't solved San Francisco's ails as thoroughly as he might want you to think he has...."

"While finding anything about homelessness on Newsom's site has proven fruitless, the San Francisco mayor talks about 'care not cash,' saying the numbers have improved. But 'care not cash' just isn't working, at least in this case. Yes, K has a social worker, but it sure doesn't sound adequate to keep her family on its feet. (She doesn't even have a way to keep milk/formula for her baby!)"

***

Yep, that's right. While Mayor Newsom managed to Twitter up $15,ooo for his gubernatorial campaign last week, you've got to wonder what exactly he did for this city that proves he's ready to govern the state. Jerry Brown, are you reading?

San Francisco is sorely lacking in shelters for battered women, which is an entirely different type of resource than a regular shelter. Facilities and programs for abused women and their families in dire need are few and far between here in San Francisco. Had the situation been otherwise, I would have never met K and her family.

Thank you, SFist, for getting out there and saying what needs to be said about what's not getting done in this city to help the people who need it the most. I was too busy trying to help K and the kids to twitter in my donation.

***

ps.: Oh, and Gavin, if you'd like to meet this mom and her kids to discuss how well your "care not cash" promise is working here in your city, I'd be happy to set up a meeting between your people and K's people. Email me. I'm not on Twitter.

pss.: And one more thing, Gavin, I know your Russian Hill penthouse is up for sale ($2,995,000). If you're traveling a lot for your campaign, I know a little family that could use a nice place to live until room in a shelter becomes available.

lost.

Well, I wish I could say that the first day of real unemployment was just like The Staycation but better... but I can't.

Things are not so hot here at Casa Tangobaby and even though you guys would all probably make me feel better if I went and visited you all, I just don't have the whatever it is right now to do that.

So play amongst yourselves and please do visit i live here: SF and tell all of your friends about it and follow it so you can get updates and all of that good and happy stuff because it's wonderful right now and I'm not wonderful right now.

But I totally love you guys and I'll see you soon.

Well, that fucking sucks.

I don't have a picture of my pink slip because they don't give those out anymore. So I found a photo of a vintage slip because I hate having a post without a picture.

Hey, San Francisco!!! I'm available!

You hiring?

ps.: I can make cappucinos, too.

Stop What You're Doing Right Now

Stop. Don't write that book. Don't compose that music. And please... don't take that photo.

Just stop.

Haven't you realized this already? Everything you're planning on doing has already been done.

Besides, some one else had the idea first so you really should stop thinking, while you're at it.

Cease and desist. That's what the cops say, right?

***

I just got the most bizarre email. I've been told that I'm "using (re: stole?) [this person's] idea to photograph the people of San Francisco." Wow. I didn't realize that such a novel idea as that had been copyrighted. I also didn't see where you line up to get your photo taken.

All you people on SF flickr groups, you gotta stop taking photos of your friends. You're using her idea too, and she might send you an email also. And all of you great local photo bloggers, like you and you and you and you and you and you, no more photo shoots. Even if you're a pro. There's a new game in town, and you're not it. Sorry to have to be the bearer of bad news. Even you, you staff photographers for SF Gate, I know it's your job to take pictures of people in San Francisco, but you guys better find something else to do.

But for those of you who wrote to me and encouraged me to tell you more stories of the people of this city, and those of you who've asked me over time to take your photos, I'm gonna say abso-fucking-lutely and let me get some batteries.

So, I'll be seeing some of you on the other side of the camera soon. And for those of you who missed it, the SF photo project is here.

Well, that explains it

My biorhythms are all fucked up.

***

Parts of my biorhythm are smirking. That makes sense. One part is winking. The rest are in the crapper. No wonder I can't get it together this week.

Julochka wrote a post about why she's all out of sorts this week, and then Starlene recommended that she check out about her biorhythms, and so I followed julochka's example, et voila!


That first graph has me worried. It looks a little crazy, don't you think? A little too up-and-down-y for my tastes. I'll just try to keep smirking to maintain some balance.

Julochka wisely read my chart and graphs and she says that I'll be capable of taking some great photos due to my high Aesthetic secondary rhythms, but that I'll be too weak to pick up my camera for long periods of time because my primary Physical rhythm is so in the dumps.

I do have to say that I don't believe in this stuff, but today I guess I'm willing to admit that something's up that's out of my control. If you want to see what parts of you are smirking or dysfunctional, you can make your own chart here for free.

I'm just counting the minutes until Free Friday. That should fix it.

Michael Phelps, you should move to San Francisco.

Oh, are we still having that War on Drugs?

Funny, I thought we won that war. How silly of me.
So many wars, so little common sense.

***

This post is certainly one I had not expected to write because:

1. It's a rant and I dislike these kinds of posts immensely and avoid reading them at all costs, even when they are my own;
2. I don't take drugs and have never smoked pot, so I don't know what I'm talking about;
3. I'm tired and I'm supposed to be making some sauteed chicken breasts for dinner;
4. This isn't what I wanted to talk about, but...

I hate it when Google scans your email and "suggests" ads you might be interested in. Because I mentioned a bong in a previous post (green robe attained, fyi!), now Google thinks I would be most interested in reading about marijuana. Which I am not.

(However, if it wasn't for Google scanning my email and learning about my bacon fetish, I never would have stumbled across Baconnaise. So I guess this Orwellian email prying sometimes has its good points, too.)

***

This time I get a link leading to "CNN: Crime!" (the exclamation point and italics are mine) about Michael Phelps and his little indiscretion with a water pipe. Am I the only one who thought for now that perhaps as a nation, we might not for just a teensy moment be quite so Puritanical and retarded? (I realize I should stop using that word and it is terribly un-PC, but frankly I'm sick of being PC and I did see Tropic Thunder, which made that word funnily applicable again, in a very 7th grade way. We use the word in the privacy of our own home.)

***

I'm sorry, but this kid won a sh*tload of Olympic medals. And now sponsors might drop him? So what does this say about Mr. Phelps? That you can be an exceptional 23-year old young athlete and win a ton of Olympic medals and once in a while smoke pot? Do we have absolutely nothing else in this country to be concerned about? Don't sheriffs in South Carolina have much more major concerns in their jurisdictions? I bet they do if they looked around.

See, I'm ranting. I hate that. I should stop here and make my chicken breasts.

But all the same, I just hope upon hope that before I die (of natural causes many, many years from now) that America as a whole will give a sh*t about real education, literacy, healthcare, jobs, science, the arts, fair governance and not this crazy, ridiculous time and money wasting BS.

San Francisco is a town where you can get a contact high just walking down Market Street (near the Financial District, I might add) at 5pm on a Wednesday, and no one gives a hoot. I'm sorry, I really think we have bigger fish to fry than Olympic champions who actually could inspire more kids to be interested in swimming and getting some physical exercise than lighting a doobie.

End of rant. I'm going to chop mushrooms now. No more CNN for this girl.

Delete, Delete, Delete

Hey guys,

I'm sorry if you woke up with an inbox full of spam emails from comments on my blog this morning. And one comment from a total asshole, which I've since deleted.

I hate to do this, but to avoid me dealing with my inbox this morning and thinking that I've been the conduit for a bunch of garbage into yours, I'm turning on that stupid verify thingy and content moderation. I'm so sorry about this. I think it's a total pain. But hopefully it's a preventative more than an annoyance. And maybe once the glow from Blogs of Note wears off, I can go back to the way it was.

I used to think it was fine to have a forum here for anyone who wanted to leave a comment on what I was writing about. But now I've changed my mind. If you're a total angry jerkoff with nothing to say and all you want is to get people to read your blog from my blog, with the intent to abuse them once they get there: Sorry, buddy. You're not getting that opportunity from me.

And now, onto our regularly scheduled programming. I am going to eat my raspberry danish and then I'll be back shortly.

***

ps.: If you are an Eddie Izzard fan, then you will have instantaneously recognized the reference in the title of this post. If not, then I may have given you the best holiday gift yet: The Wonderful World of Eddie.

Take the Douchebag Tour of San Francisco

Oh thank goodness that Bill O'Reilly had the guts to expose the truth about San Francisco to the world. Here I thought that this city was chock full of culture, with a fascinating and diverse population, a unique and colorful history, and amazing architecture, parks and views. Not to mention great shopping, a veritable foodie heaven and the "little cable cars that travel halfway to the stars."

No no no. Watch this video and see how snookered I've been living here. Again, I'm so grateful that Bill and FOX had the courage to air this piece. Even though Bill apparently associated the famous neighborhood of North Beach (where Coit Tower, City Lights Books, a vibrant Italian community and where the Beat Generation made its home) in the Tenderloin, now I know I live in San Fran Freakazoid-Trannytown.



Tell me that people who watch this show are secretly snickering that this blowhard is still the host of "Inside Edition" who got an extremely lucky career break. Either that, or he's doing a great service to our fair city, keeping his mindless flock with their embroidered fanny packs out of our cool town.

(Just so you know, I promise this will be the first and last time this a-hole gets a nod on my blog.)

ps.: If you've never laughed your ass off at some mercilessly embarrassing tourist photos at Fanny Pack Antics, then you are really missing something quite special. White tennis shoe wearers UNITE!

UPDATE: In response to Tara's comment, I've added a link to a segment from the documentary Outfoxed. This portion with Douchbag O'Reilly verbally assaulting a guest is one of the most powerful of the film. If you haven't seen Outfoxed (I own a copy but there are clips available online), you should.