Party On.

I'm packing up my stuff and heading out of town this weekend, doing some wedding photography in Carmel.

It sounds so very wrong to say "I'm going to shoot a wedding party this weekend" or "It was so fun shooting all of those little kids, they were adorable", etc. etc.

We have to come up with a better turn of phrase, us photographer types.

Anyway, I hope you're having fun doing whatever you're doing. I'm actually packing more lenses than shoes. Boy, have times changed.

This photo will be posted in all its gigantic cuteness tomorrow on CALIBER.

See ya!

TONIGHT! Blush Wine Bar! Meet Us!

No joke. Me, Troy and Stuart...we want to meet you! Hang out, chat. That sort of stuff. (I mean, you can buy things if you want. But I'm all about having a reason to dress up a little.)

Hope to see you tonight at Blush! (476 Castro @ 18th.)

xoxo

The Advisor

Nobody can give you wiser advice than yourself. ~ Cicero

***

So this morning I gave an interview to a writer for the SJSU alumni magazine, Washington Square. She had found me via the San Francisco Chronicle article that came out on October 1 about i live here:SF. I'm going to be part of a laid-off alumni finds new direction in life kind of article. It's flattering just to be found and contacted, let alone think that someone would actually be interested in 1. my story, or 2. my pearls of wisdom. But it still feels quite odd, mostly.

I think part of my dilemma is that I don't really feel qualified to give much of a chat about anything...yet. I'm not an expert on photography or even portraiture, nor an active alumnus, or even someone who really feels down-and-out even though technically I am unemployed. When we talked about my major and my school days, it seemed like an achievement made by someone else. I vaguely remember going to school at this point. Lord knows where my diploma is. (Last time I found it, it was with a bunch of old CDs under my bed. I did not mention that to the writer.)

I thought back to my previous post about Julie & Julia. One of the commenters there pointed out that Julia has probably misrepresented her connections and qualifications in the publishing world, as she started her blog on Salon.com and that's not really where the newbies go to get their first blog. And here I am, thinking I'm totally the opposite. It makes me wonder really what it is that people see in what I'm doing. To me, the purpose of blogging personally hasn't really changed, and although i live here:SF is a blog written by other people, I still see it as a local thing and mine. Even though other locals (and some not so) seem to love it, too, and I'm really grateful for that.

I get the you should do a book/video/other creative thing advice a lot from people lately. I guess I will. I mean, I know I will. Someday. But why push it? When the writer asked me for what advice I had for other laid-off people who are struggling at this time, all I could say is that they needed to have hope, to hang in there. That something good would come of all of this eventually but to try to force things to happen just makes life harder. That's probably the most experiential advice I could give. And to have fun, if you can.

***

I'm basically getting by. Scraping by is probably a better way to put it. I've had some inquiries about other gigs, and have sent out some estimates, and am waiting. If these jobs come to pass, then that will be awesome. I'm finally looking at how to market myself, and use my recent experiences to carry over into something bigger and-- well-- paying. Now I feel like I'm the newbie.

I've been taking pictures, pictures, pictures. But after that, where to go next? How do I take the next quantum leap?

I should probably take my own advice.

Morning Mystery

I think part of the reason I love taking photos of people is that some of them absolutely fascinate me. So many worlds to be exposed to.

Above and below are Calli. She contacted me about being part of i live here:SF way back when, in the early days. We went out for tea on a cold afternoon and she told me a lot about her life and her life studying fashion and art here in the city. And then for a bunch of different reasons we weren't able to get together to take photos.

Now all these months later, we finally did. And the wait seemed to be a very good thing. I don't think we would have achieved some of the haunting and extraordinary images that we did until now. Above is Calli in a bodystocking. She explained it as a way to disappear, when you want to be by yourself but you're surrounded by people. The look of it, and the concept fascinated me. I guess I can relate. I also learned a tiny bit about Butoh, just enough to intrigue me and make me want to learn more. As I learn, I'll share with you.

I now have a new camera. One of these photos was taken with the new one, and one with the old (which I'm now calling the Security Blanket Camera). I'm happy using both as I learn my way and how my camera influences my style and what I'm capable of capturing images of. I know I'll need more lenses to do what I want to do but already I can see the quality of photos improve from having a larger sensor. I love being able to control the depth of field, something I was never able to do before.

My mom lovingly gave me a large part of the money for the new camera for my birthday, and I subsidized it with some of the money I made at Tedda's show in September. I think I will name the body of the camera Bunny, after my mom. That seems very appropriate and special. She has told me that she would like to give me some money from my grandmother's account to pay for a lens or two. So I will call the lenses Helens or Little Helens.

I really really like the idea that my grandma, wherever she is, is helping me to see the world more beautifully.

***

You can learn more about Calli here.

Head of the Pack: Group Show in the Castro

Click on image for a larger version.

I'm excited because a) I'm in this show, and b) the curator chose my image for the flier!

Mark your calendar... December 17 is the opening. You can also meet the CALIBER dudes, too.

Horse with No Name

I'm home. I'm back. I'm planted at my desk going through 1700+ photos.

Who would have thought the barren desert would have provided such golden photographic opportunities for a city girl like me? Whoa!

I'm slowly sorting through and processing my favorites. I've already blogged two of the images on CALIBER (where the best ones will go due to the large size of the template--yay!) and all of the selections will keep being added to the flickr set.

So you can see what's there for now. This will take a while to digest and work on but I think this set is STELLAR. Hope you do too!

***

Thank you all so much for the birthday tweets and comments and emails! They poured in all day and your thoughtfulness made me so happy. Thank you!

The Odd Relative

Here I am, it's 12:27am as I write this. Las Vegas, Nevada. Sleeping on my sister's couch and trying to stop singing that goddamned song that Ariel sings from The Little Mermaid. The Disney Alert Level in this house is Orange. We are knee-deep in princess paraphernalia.

I fell asleep on the sofa tonight as everyone else was watching the season finale of Mad Men. Since I don't have a television and obviously do not watch the show, I had nothing invested in this episode or any other, and I fell asleep. Now my body clock is punishing me by mentally singing this infernal Disney song and making me write posts in my head.

Anyway, this weekend has been full of family and friends celebrating the littlest one's first birthday. I am staying in a place that is perfectly groomed and planned and made hospitable despite the raw nature that looms so hugely behind this housing development. I couldn't be any farther away from home right now. Not as an indictment of Las Vegas and the baggage/dreams this city inspires, but that all around us we are surrounded by the harshest kind of desert. Nevada makes me feel very conscious that I live on a planet. A rock in space.

Inside this new and lovely home, we don't feel the heat. The treeless mountains that loom behind us look as sharp as glass and are shaped like the fins of sharks. I can't decide if the mountains are protecting us from something even harsher or are just biding their time. I wake up thirsty and my lips are peeling.

In being introduced to my sister's friends and neighbors, and reacquainting myself with extended family that I rarely see, I realize that I am the odd relative. The one who doesn't quite know how to answer: So, what have you been up to these days?

The rootless one. I try to see myself through their eyes and wonder how I can answer that question in a meaningful way. Even if it's only in polite conversation, that question makes me paste a two-dimensional smile on my face that I'm sure is unattractive, and I can feel my eyes drifting off somewhere else and not on purpose.

I could say:

1. I'm using photography as a metaphor for examining almost everything in my life and the world around me and cannot help doing so. It makes me extremely happy and self-conscious at the same time.
   
2. I have a feeling that my life is in total flux and transition and although I'm not entirely uncomfortable with this state, it makes me impatient and often moody.
3. I spent an hour curling my hair this morning.
4. I'm doing great!

I've been going with Answer 4.

***

On Friday, my sister and parents drove me out into the desert so I could be my photographic self. I took almost 450 photos and some of them are stellar, even though I really can't see them until I get home and can import them into my computer. We four-wheeled it over rocks and dusty faint roads and they helped me notice things. In the desert, there is much to photograph.

So even if I am the odd unsettled relative, my sister and my parents understand. I will dedicate this next set of photos to them, for their love and in getting me to places I couldn't have gotten to by myself. I look forward to sharing these images with you soon.

ps.: There are two incredible installments on i live here:SF today. One in the morning (9:02am, Mat) and one in the afternoon (2:22pm, Catherine). I am BLOWN AWAY by these people for entirely different reasons but both have made me have crushes on them. Please promise you'll look at their photos and read their stories today.

A High CALIBER Event!

The tallest, cutest Sorcerer's Apprentice you ever saw.

***

Boy, our photo walk was really awesome. I think Troy, Stuart, Brad and I were a wee bit surprised at how many people showed up. It made us feel terrific.

Thanks to all of you who joined us. I know we'll be doing this again, hopefully soon!

Here's a little peek at what I saw, but you can get the entire party picture on CALIBER, of course.

Never too old for this sort of thing.

Ahhh, the enchanting and naughty Linda Darnell.

***

It's a good thing I live in San Francisco because I like to dress up and do the costume thang and living here gives people like me so many opportunities to do so, Halloween or not.

So I'll be emulating my favorite noir vixen, strolling/trolling Market Street with my camera-toting peeps on our first CALIBER related event.

The ad on my facebook page this morning (I have to admit, I still don't like facebook) is this: "Recommendations for San Francisco women in their 40s - including weekend getaways, beauty, wine - picked by people in the know."

My initial mental response to that ad was Oh yeah? Fuck you. (It is also my lingering, secondary response.) Probably not what this company's web ad pros had in mind.

I'm not that decrepit yet. I know what to do in San Francisco... even if I'm in my 40s!

Hope you all trick and treat well today!

CALIBER's Halloween Photowalk

Photo by Troy Holden of CALIBER.

***

Join us if you can, for our Halloween Photo Walk!

Get the details here.

I'll have what she's having.

Actually, I'll have more of what I'm having.

Fun!

***

I'm not going to call tangobaby the forgotten blog or the neglected blog. Now that CALIBER has launched, and boy howdy has that site taken off like a rocket, and i live here:SF is going gangbusters, especially since that article in the Chronicle, I come back here and I don't see tumbleweeds.

It's a mite quiet, but it also feels like things are settling into their proper places. Like my blog life is getting more organized.

For the cream of the crop imagewise, I'm going to be posting and writing lots more over at CALIBER. So for those of you who aren't regularly checking in there, please do. Subscribe, tweet it, tell your friends. It's HOT. I'm going to be saving my most splendid photos for that site because, let's face it: size matters. I'll be writing over there too, just like I do here, but some images and stories will be exclusive to CALIBER. (Today was an especially exciting day on CALIBER because we got written up on Thrillist and our site's stats literally blew up. And then we also got picked up by the New York Times' Bay Area blog list... yes that NYT.)

And then i live here:SF, my amazing baby. I cannot tell you how many wonderful faces and stories are waiting in the wings. Seriously. I could be doing this for 8 hours a day lately.

Sooooo, tangobaby might seem a little less action packed, but it's just that the action is getting spread around a bit more, in all the right places.

Meet CALIBER

From left to right: Brad Evans, Stuart Dixon, me, Troy Holden, after the Apocalypse.
(Actually, it's what was the old tuna cannery, otherwise known as the TIE building down in Bayview. Photo by Troy Holden.)

***

I wanted to introduce you to a new collaborative group I'm a part of. I'm really excited about it, and really excited to share some new photography friends with you.


Brad, Stuart, Troy and I have been part of a photographic mutual admiration society for quite some time, so us forming this group, now known as CALIBER, just came pretty naturally. We've been meeting for Irish coffees after the work day, talking photography and projects and now we have something we're really proud of to share.

Stuart and Troy (to those who knew him previously as Plug1 from whatimseeing.com) are credited for creating a fantastic template in which to showcase what we feel are our best images. We have some ideas and goals for where we'd like to take this group going forward, but for right now, we're happy to share some of our favorite images with you.

Please take a visit to CALIBER and tell us what you think. Thanks!

Here for a reason.

I know I told you last night that I was going to wait until I could make it down to the newstand to buy the San Francisco Chronicle.

But it's so damn easy to go online! So here's the story for all of you who can't get a newspaper today.

(Or, like me, are still in your pyjamas!)

Read about i live here:SF in today's San Francisco Chronicle.

Photo by Russell Yip, who was a super cool guy to hang out with.

Just for funsies, here's the photo I took of Claire with Russell behind her, taking photos of us for that article.

what would have happened.

I found this photo today. I wish I could call her and tell her I'm going to be in the newspaper on Thursday. She would have loved to have a clipping to show her friends.

***

I am supposed to be in the newspaper on Thursday. October 1, in the San Francisco Chronicle. (When I say I, I mean me and the i live here:SF project.)

I say supposed to just because, well, you know how things are. I guess the Chron could still change their minds and not run the story but I should be more confident about it and say Yes, I'm going to be in the paper on Thursday. You should pick up a copy. And get an extra for a friend.

I'm still going to be excited about the whole newspaper story in a little while, but that sharp sticking poke of loss from finding Little Helen in my photo software is taking a few minutes to shake off. Keeping busy does wonders in the intentional forgetting and moving on department but it still does catch up with you.

I can picture her sitting in that blue recliner, next to her metal TV tray with a collection of PARADE magazines and clipped coupons and cough drops, with her collection of small, perfectly sharpened ends of pencils (she liked to save the tiniest bits of pencils and rubberband them in bunches), and this newly printed newspaper article about her first granddaughter, who has a photography project that got into the San Francisco newspaper. Can you believe it? Little Julie Michelle! In the newspapers!

She would call me and tell me how proud of me she was.

I know she would.

Moving towards the afterlife.

In Montgomery Station.

***

At first I thought it was my eyes going funny, but I think I'm going to have to look into getting a new blogger template. Lately, my photos look fuzzy. It's totally possible that I'm fucking something up when I export my images, but this time, I don't think it's me. It even looks better on flickr, so I don't know what's up.

This looks so much better on my computer. You should come over and see it.

UPDATE 9:41pm: Thanks, Meligrosa! This does look a bit better.

TONIGHT! All SF/Bay Area Photogs and Photography Loving Peeps...

Join legendary Magnum photographer David Alan Harvey and Momenta for a slideshow and party celebrating the American Family. Bring friends, colleagues and co-workers and join us for great photos from our workshop, great music and a great party! Cash bar with beer, wine and drink specials.

Where: Coda Jazz Club, 1710 Mission Street @ Duboce
Two blocks from the Mission and 16th BART station, 4 Blocks from the Van Ness Muni station or the number 49 bus line runs right by the bar.

When: Monday, Sept. 28 - 6:00 p.m. until closing!
Doors open at 6:00 with the slideshow at 7:00.
Contact: info@momentaworkshops.com or 415-551-2632.

Hope to see you there... and pass this along to your friends! Thanks!

***

David Alan Harvey has been a full member of the prestigious photographic collective Magnum Photos since 1997. He has photographed over 40 articles for National Geographic Magazine, and in 1978 was named Magazine Photographer of the Year by the National Press Photographers Association.

The world from their window

I think I forgot to share this photo with you before I put it on flickr.

Three little girls looking out over Polk Street from their Tenderloin apartment window. Someone paid me a huge compliment and said this had some Robert Frank magic to it, which I do take as a huge compliment.

I love their unique and individual reactions to what they're seeing on the streets below. I guess they didn't notice me.

There's a recent article on Frank in Vanity Fair (thanks Plug1, for making me aware of it). I still wonder why it was that he gave up photography. At this time in my life, I can't imagine that someday I won't want to capture images. Perhaps one can get tired of seeing. Or trying. I hope I don't.

***

Listen, I've kinda hinted around about the article in the San Francisco Chronicle (!!) on me and the i live here:SF project. I know some of you goodhearted souls are as anxious as I am to know when the article is coming out, and I still don't know. It will be sometime after Sunday, that's all I know now.

So if you want to start buying newspapers, you can but I swear, the very minute I hear any news, you'll be the next to know. Promise.

My mental [bus] transfer

Riding on the 6 Parnassus last week, near Masonic and Haight.

I thought this girl was so beautiful...

But mostly, I liked her dog.

***

I'm sure you must all think I've gone on holiday.
Surely, I've been off on a mental ride of sorts. But I should be getting off that bus soon. With more stuff worth reading and/or looking at. Or at least I'll try.

But in the meantime, I had some Irish coffees (and very good, inspiring conversation) with Plug1 at the Gold Dust Lounge (why do they call it a dive bar? I don't think the Gold Dust is a dive bar... and besides, Herb Caen liked it), and then had some late night Pasquale's pizza with The Boy.

Let me tell you: IRISH COFFEE and PIZZA do not a dinner make.
Smart people probably already know these sorts of things.

blech.

These moments.

This city inspires me in so many ways. Where do I start?

***

Yesterday I was interviewed for an article about i live here:SF. I'll be more specific next week, but suffice to say, it was a heady experience. Not because I was talking about me, but because of something that's become so big and personally important in my life, and to trace the threads of what has happened that has brought me to sit in a Hayes Valley cafe 6 months later, across from a reporter with a notebook and recorder, sipping a cup of hot chai.

Above is a photo of Mariana. And her love story. I feel so honored how people share with me. And in sharing with me, they share with you, too.

Meet Mariana.

***

ps.: The show at Tedda Hughes is going really well. People keep buying and I keep replacing. So stop by if you can. The show will be up until Sept. 20.

One obsession at the expense of another.

“I write entirely to find out what I'm thinking, what I'm looking at, what I see and what it means. What I want and what I fear.” ~ Joan Didion

Some days everything beckons.

***

In the hope that the quote above will knock the cobwebs out of my head and make the writing motor start up again. Prime the pump, as it were.

I think all of these pictures have gotten to me. I love them. I stare at them like the story of Narcissus and his reflection in the pool. But now I feel like I can't put three words together that aren't describing an image I took.

Sometimes photography makes me feel like I'm cheating.

Words! Come back! I'll put the camera away. (Or at least I'll try.)