Slow News Day

Blog?

OH! That blog! My blog!

***

It's a slow news day at Tangobaby World Media Corporate, Inc. I think my brain went on hiatus. Or maybe I suspended my brain so that I could run my presidential campaign for a while (i.e., that means thinking of what beauty products to get for basket, or making new campaign buttons).

And not having internet access at home obviously is cramping my style in a big way.

***

I only have one little story to share for now.

Yesterday we got a enormo-basket of Halloween candy from a sales rep. It's got every type of candy in a Halloween theme (I am devouring the yellow, orange and black Good 'n Plenty's at a frightening clip).

One of the cute boys (our blessed intern) came over to my desk and gave me a pair of wax lips from the basket. "Here," he says, "these are for you. There were only two pairs and I wanted to make sure you got some."

I thanked him, of course. And then I asked him, "How did you know about my wax lips fetish? Did I tell you about my crazy love of wax lips? I don't remember us talking about that."

And he said, "I just assumed that you liked them."

He's a smart boy. The youth of America.

I think it's nice when people have you all figured out.

***

UPDATE: I only humiliate myself when it's fun and so that you know I love you.

Happy Halloween, kids!

I Have Arrived

I have to tell you that my campaign for 2012 is off to such a great start. I'm so glad I skipped that whole fact-finding commission! I'm probably going to skip the vetting process too since I'm so pleased with all of my prospective administration officials so far.

You are so good at offering yourselves up to the campaign in the spirit of Civic Duty, and obviously the hope of winning a beauty basket didn't hurt either.



***

I think my campaign really is going to pick up steam now because I have one of the most important things a president or a presidential hopeful can have.

I have my own intern.



***

Not to mention all of the other super-fantastic cabinet roles I would have never even thought of, like my Secretary of WTF? and Official Cheesemonger. But where are you?

Seriously. I don't have anyone like YOU in my campaign. So step up and sign up. You have until November 4 to participate! I will announce my entire future administration and my VP choice then. (And I am for full inclusion in my administration: Boys, our friends to the north in Canada, assorted people from all nations that still like us and hold out a wee bit of hope that we'll get our sh*t together, and people with exceptionally developed senses of humor are all encouraged to participate.)

***

BTW, why would it be that you would come home from work and find that your modem doesn't work? Just like that-- poof! I always jump to conclusions and assume that Karl Rove is behind things like this, but maybe we didn't pay the cable bill? Not having internet access at home is not enjoyable. It's pointing a big finger at my addiction. But it's my addiction to YOU.



UPDATE: Because I know that some of you secretly want to make your own campaign buttons.

Full-Blown Eighties Mode Tonight

Boy, you listen to a couple of Hall and Oates songs and then all of a sudden you're in full-blown Eighties mode.

I guess I might end up watching After Hours tonight. I think this is one of the films that warped my sense of humor as a youngster.

Full-on awesome Teri Garr:



I think Catherine O'Hara was my favorite though:



And then I'll relive some first boyfriend kisses. Looking back, Berlin isn't really good makeout music but it worked at the time.



Now all I need are some shoulder pads and some stirrup leggings and I'm all set. But first I have to empty the dryer.

Some People Believe in Nostradamus

I think John McCain should have listened to Hall and Oates before Bill Kristol or Dick Cheney or Karl Rove. Now I'm on a kick since my Palin-Putin forbidden love fantasy from this morning.

She's a Maneater! Watch out, boy!



She'll only come out at night
The lean and hungry type
Nothing is new, I've seen her here before
Watching and waiting
She's sitting with you but her eyes are on the door
So many have paid to see
What you think you're getting for free
The woman is wild, a she-cat tamed by the purr of a Jaguar
Money's the matter
If you're in it for love you ain't gonna get too far

Oh here she comes
Watch out boy she'll chew you up
Oh here she comes
She's a maneater
Oh here she comes
Watch out boy she'll chew you up
Oh here she comes
She's a maneater

I wouldn't if I were you
I know what she can do
She's deadly man, and she could really rip your world apart
Mind over matter
The beauty is there but a beast is in the heart

Oh here she comes
Watch out boy she'll chew you up
Oh here she comes
She's a maneater

***

Part of this is because I don't feel like finishing my laundry and the other part is that I just keep cracking myself up. I'm so Eighties today!

An Adventure in Civics

"It's not the voting that's democracy; it's the counting." ~ Tom Stoppard, Jumpers

***

You guys aren't going to believe what happened today!

I almost didn't get to vote!

Or at least it sure felt that way for a few hours!

***

It's like Roseanne Roseannadanna says. It's always something!
Well, today it was my something.

I have to admit that first of all, I played hooky from work today.
I wasn't really sick, but I kinda felt like maybe I could go down that road, and... well, you know how it is some days? I just needed an extra brain day. I didn't want to hear any whining today.

So here I am at home, doing a little laundry, eating some popcorn, and then I think, Hey! I'll get dressed and go to City Hall and VOTE! That will make me feel good and productive!
When you live on the Left Coast, by the time your vote gets counted, the rest of the country is already asleep and the thing's decided. So I wanted to get my vote in early. And it seemed like a very good hooky-day idea.

I get down to City Hall, which is just the prettiest building ever with all of the marble and carvings and gilded metal and go down to the basement. I fill out a form, get in line, chat a little with the people around me. Twenty minutes later, it's my turn... and the woman behind the desk tells me I'm not in the computer.

Um, excuse me?

*freaks out a little inside*

She wants to know if I've registered, and yes, I have. I voted in the primary in February!

She looks for me again in the computer, every which way since Sunday. I'm not there.

*silent scream*

Then I have to go to another room, where three other people try to find me in the computer.

Not happening.

Wha?!! These things are supposed to happen in Florida! (No offense, Florida. I was going under the assumption that we had our voting sh*t together here.)

So they tell me that I have to petition the court.

Come again? WTF?!

They tell me I have to fill out some forms and go to the Civil Court across the street, and talk to the judge. Then, if the judge signs my petition, I can come back to City Hall and vote. (Needless to say, my fantasies of my weekday play date are evaporating quickly before my eyes. To their credit, everyone at the Department of Elections was very nice to me. I was also the epitome of calm.)

So I go to the Civil Courts building, find the courtroom, and proceed to not have a writing implement, except for a purple calligraphy pen, which I don't think is appropriate for filling out this bunch of forms. (Note to self: why do you never have a pen?! You always have like five different lipsticks and nothing to write with. That's bad! Very bad!)

There's no one else there except for another woman with the same forms I have. She sees me rummaging around and kindly lets me use her pen. We chat a little, and discover that both of us have the same story. Registered to vote in the February primaries, voted, and now don't exist. Not that we're paranoid, but WTF?

Then someone comes out of the courtroom and says they're closed for lunch. Come back in an hour and a half.

***

So I'm walking around the Tenderloin, looking for something to do for 90 minutes. I see a drug deal, some people in very bad shape sitting in wheelchairs and more than a few lawyer-y looking types. (For those of you who don't know the lay of the land, City Hall is adjacent to a neighborhood known for violence and poverty, the Tenderloin.) The Tenderloin has some very cool, old buildings, but it's not a place you want to hang out and gawk. You can look but you keep moving and you pay attention to who's around you.

The good news is that I happened upon a Burmese restaurant I read about and wanted to try, except I'm never near the Tenderloin at lunch. So I decided to have some tea leaf salad and some coconut milk and chicken soup. What's a tangobaby post without a foodie story anyway?

I love Burmese tea leaf salad (La Pat Dok). It's made with fermented tea leaves, dried shrimp, cabbage, tomate, fried garlic, sesame seeds and peas and nuts. This one was very good.

While I was sitting there, still feeling nervous about having to go to court and talk to a judge, I realized that I should be very grateful to be here eating tea leaf salad and having some recourse to the law and my rights. If I was sitting in Burma, or Myanmar as it's now called, I could be eating some kick-ass salad with NO voting rights. Or I could be in prison. For a fascinating book about Burma and also George Orwell's ties to that country, read Finding George Orwell in Burma by Emma Larkin. It's a fantastic read.

And then it was time to go back to court.

***

"I'm tired of hearing it said that democracy doesn't work. Of course it doesn't work. We are supposed to work it." ~ Alexander Woollcott

While I was waiting, I made two new friends, Theresa and Kathy. Theresa told us about some past elections in the Philippines and let's just say that we should be glad that eye gouging and intimidation and prison aren't direct results of the democratic process here. Bless her heart, Theresa is 76 years old. And Kathy was our court angel. She provided me with a paper clip for my important documents because I didn't have one of those either.

Then the bailiff said we could enter the courtroom.

Here's the courtroom. Just like on TV, right?

We never saw the judge. A clerk came out, talked to each of us individually and then took our documents back to the judge for evaluation. I was the first one to get my petition signed and then back to City Hall for me.

***

And about an hour later, I had voted.

As I was leaving, I saw three weddings.
One "traditional" (for lack of a better word) and two lesbian couples.
All were lovely. And I wouldn't have seen them if I hadn't been scurrying around to get petitions signed and eating Burmese tea leaf salad. Sometimes timing really is everything.

I hope my vote on Proposition 8 helps those gay and lesbian couples who want to have the right to marry.

And City Hall is just so dang beautiful. You should really come and check it out.


And then no other but Abe Lincoln himself thanked me for coming out today.
Now that's an adventure in civics!

Private Eyes

Someone special just sent this to me.

I couldn't help thinking of that classic Hall & Oates song, Private Eyes. (Come on, let's have an Eighties moment together.)

I see you, you see me
Watch you blowin' the lines when you're making a scene
Oh girl, you've got to know
What my head overlooks
The senses will show to my heart
When it's watching for lies
You can't escape my
Private eyes
They're watching you
They see your every move
Private eyes
They're watching you
Private eyes
They're watching you watching you watching you watching you

***

I couldn't help picturing Putin and Palin all hot 'n heavy, rolling around in a stealthy, fur-covered embrace on each other's tundras. Maybe they do spy on each other! Some sort of tragic romance diverted by the politics of their countries! Hearts kept separated by the Alaskan National Guard!

Oh, it's so Romeo and Juliet! Does Todd know?

LMAO today as I go to City Hall to VOTE!

***

UPDATE: How could I not include the video?

Listen to this while you close your eyes and imagine an illicit love affair between Caribou Barbie and President Putin. It totally works.

Word on the Street

Random wisdom I saw on my treks all over town today.

Love (in unexpected places. I adored seeing this little plant growing out of the wall.)

Now is all you have.

This one might be a little harder to read.
It says "Hope will never be silent ~ Harvey Milk. VOTE"

***

Word on the street is that 100,000 people in Denver came out to see and hear Barack Obama today. It's almost over, folks.

I don't know about you, but this picture makes my eyes tear up gladly and my heart smile.

From the end of his speech: "Our destiny is not written for us ... it is written BY us ... not as Democrat or Republican but as AMERICANS."

Joe Biden Is My Homeboy

I'm sorry, but this is too damn cute.



I'd watch a news anchor like him any day.
And also why I have a crush on Joe. He's my homeboy, too!

Give a Kid a Camera

And she'll take 247 photos in 2 hours.

Yesterday Little C. and I went to the science museum as planned. I had shown her once before how to use my camera and told her she was welcome to borrow it, but she was very afraid she would drop it. But once I convinced her it was safe with the strap around her neck, she was a photographic mad-girl.

Some of the photos were blurry because it was hard for her to hold the camera and press the button at the same time because her hands are small. But that didn't dampen her enthusiasm much. We also worked out a way for me to hold the camera steady while she pressed the button. Teamwork! Here are some of the highlights:

The African chameleon (actually there are three in the exhibit and they are very very fun to watch!)

The coral reefs of the Phillipines

A lizard-y guy

Another lizard-y guy

This kid is crazy for penguins

This little guy was one of my favorites

A sting ray

She liked these zebras because they held still while she took her photo (being stuffed, as they were).

After the museum she ate a grilled hot dog that was almost as big as she was.
And then we went to the magic store.

I think we have a future Houdini in our midst.
I think the camera has nothing on the magic store now!

Abracadabra!

Let Them Eat Cake

I think we all know by now that Marie Antoinette never said those words. (In fact, these words were spoken four years before Marie even married the Dauphin of France, when she was only 10 years old, still living in Austria. But the press dug it up later in 1789 and attributed it to her, and obviously got a lot of people whipped up about it.)

I did not go to see The Hounds last night. (Sorry Hounds! Sorry Ms. Red Shoes!) I feel like I'm on the verge of getting a cold so I thought to play it safe. I got some Nasi Goreng to eat (which is Indonesian fried rice and I don't know what the secret ingredient in it that makes it so addictive, but it's got me hooked) while I sat on the sofa in my jammies, watching something pretty and mindless: Marie Antoinette by Sofia Coppola.

When the movie got to my favorite scene, I could not help thinking, "Hey, it's the Neiman Marcus of pre-revolutionary France!" (This is undoubtedly the best scene in the movie.)



It occurs to me that Sarah Palin may become the Marie Antoinette of the 2008 election if the Republican ticket loses, and not by her own doing. It occurs to me that as her poll numbers are falling, even among the people who are supposed to like her, that Palin will become the sacrificial lamb of the upper echelons of the Republican party.

Now don't get me wrong, I don't like her (and I don't think that's a secret). I'm not going into the reasons why because if you read this blog, then you already know. However, I feel sorry for her in that she has been put in a position that has spiraled out of control, the flap about the wardrobe from Neiman's just being the latest snafu.

I wonder why it is that someone in the McCain campaign did not evaluate the potential devastation that such expenditures could incite if word got out. I mean, it's not like the press didn't go insane over John Edward's DNC-funded $400 haircut for more than a few days ("It is the haircut that will not die. He can spin it, he can gel it, he can mousse it. But it is not going away").

In fact, they went bonkers and the haircut is credited with helping to bring down his candidacy. Anne Coulter called Edwards a "faggot" and Rush Limbaugh asked if Edwards "would be our first female president."

So given the quite recent history of what happens regarding the press when they find out about expenditures deemed inherently and dangerously mockable, did someone in the McCain campaign stop for a moment to wonder if this Palin wardrobe shopping spree might not be a huge problem? It's not like she came up to them and demanded almost $200K for hair and makeup services. Someone came to her and decided what to do.

Especially when their whole raison d'etre is to ingratiate themselves with the average, everyday hard-working folks of America. It's the hypocrisy of it that keeps fueling the fire. Average everyday Americans know you don't have to spend $150,000 to look put together. Don't they realize that people are truly freaking out over losing their homes and their entire retirement savings and their 401Ks and they're worried that they can't even afford clothes for themselves right now? Just like most people realize that Cindy McCain is not your typical "small business owner." LMAO!

I don't blame Palin for it, I feel sorry for her. But this just highlights the judgment of the people at the top...is anyone up there thinking at all about how they might be perceived? That we're all not really so very stupid? And this is the part I think I've been trying to get to... I want Sarah Palin to be examined, taken to task and made accountable for the things that really matter: her association with the Alaskan Independence Party, her vindictiveness against her enemies in the Alaskan political scene, her fraudlent expenditures and expenses, her extremist religious views. This wardrobe story is a non-story, albeit a fun one and great for making a mockery of, but it's still a smokescreen. We must ask ourselves, why is it that the media will devote so much attention to this, a minor bit of sensationalism, when it should have been addressing the deeper and more serious issues since August? If she's to be sent home in defeat, I want it to be for the real issues, not for a closet full of expensive clothing that might not have had much to do with her.

They're going to throw Sarah and her nice clothes under the bus when the Straight Talk Express finally crashes. And by they, I mean her own party. John and Cindy will go back to their eight homes and live life like normal ("But, look, I've a wonderful life. I have to go back and live in Arizona"), but the little princess that they plucked from the hinterlands will go home in tatters. They'll blame her that she was too new and inexperienced (that's already happening) and that she was too divisive. But they picked her for all of those reasons. They wanted a pit bull.

But they'll write history to show they didn't. And everyone will just remember the clothes. And that's the problem.

***

Sometimes it takes history several generations to fess up about what the other side of the story might be. It would be interesting to know how Palin's selection for the VP slot actually came to be, but that probably won't happen till long after you and I are gone.

***

"It is quite certain that in seeing the people who treat us so well despite their own misfortune, we are more obliged than ever to work hard for their happiness." ~ Marie Antoinette

But looking at the larger picture, if it wasn't for Marie Antoinette and the fall of the Ancien Regime, the Revolution and the Terror, then we wouldn't have the principles and the base of thought that is the foundation of our own democracy (not to mention the resources. We would have never achieved freedom from British rule if not directly aided by French money and troops).

Perhaps in hindsight, Palin might be one of those figures that brings about a new era of history in our country, even as she is thrown to the wolves. Only time will tell.

ps. If you really want to learn more about Marie Antoinette, don't watch that Sofia Coppola movie. It's a chick flick/music video. But you can watch a fantastic documentary and also read Antonia Fraser's book. Both are imminently fascinating and approachable.

pps. What you really don't know is that the BEST thing at Neiman Marcus are the Peanut Butter and Jelly cookies. I kid you not. These are the BEST cookies you will ever eat IN YOUR LIFE. Hear me now. And they only cost $2.50! Which means that if you have $150,000 and can't find any clothes you like at Neiman's, you can buy 60,000 cookies instead.

***

This is the other good scene (the sex scene) from the film but it has nothing to do with the Republicans. I just put it in here in case you're tired of history.



Fabulous shoe photo from this blog. Did you know the shoes in the movie were designed by Manolo Blahnik? I didn't!!! No wonder they're so gorgeous!!!

UPDATE 8:11am: I am an effin' prophet: "These people are going to try and shred her after the campaign to divert blame from themselves," said a McCain insider, referring to McCain's chief strategist, Steve Schmidt, and to Nicolle Wallace, a former Bush aide who has taken a lead role in Palin's campaign." You can read the rest here.

But I said it first! You saw me do it.

Name that Pumpkin!

I could not help but think that this is one of the more ingeniously wicked pumpkin carvings I've seen recently. It's cannibalizing right in my neighborhood for all to see. I'm a little envious... if I can remember correctly, my pumpkins were always kind of mediocre and common.

I am sure there are a few of you out there who can come up with a fun name for this Halloween pumpkin. I seem to only have ideas for Election Campaign Buttons these days.



My cabinet posts are filling up! But I need more good people.
And I keep thinking about what goodies I might possibly put in my little basket o'treats for the winner.



I think julochka, despite whatever other post I might appoint her to, is readily proving herself to be my Secretary of Campaign Buttons Extraordinaire.

***

I hope you all have fun starting NOW.



I'm ready for an action-packed few days off, starting with a musical date with my future Secretary of Cultural Awesomeness, Ms. Red Shoes and that great Irish rock band, Culann's Hounds. And a pint of cider.

And then a Saturday date with my buddy Little C., as I'll be her escort to the California Academy of Sciences I told you about. She was so excited for her first visit there that she begged me not to tell her anything about it, because then she'd be "too excited to sleep!" Now that is my kind of little science dweeby girl!

And then a bunch of other stuff I can't remember right now because I forgot to have a cup of coffee this morning and now it's too late for brain recovery.

Have a good weekend, folks, and don't forget to join my administration!

Join My Future Administration and Win a Prize!

Hello fellow Americans! All of you, the real and the fake Americans! Even you Communists in North Virginia! Hello!

I've given it a solid 24 hour's thought, which might be more time than Sarah Palin spent deciding whether to enhance the McCain nomination with her presence, and now I really think that I should run for President in 2012.

At first, I thought I only wanted to do it for the free clothes. (Which is still a huge incentive, to be honest.) And then I realized that I could offer a lot to the American people and perhaps give them something to look forward to in 2012 if our country is still around and holding elections then. I know that I may sound shallow and silly at times (but in a good way, I hope) but I think that it's time to step up to the plate and I want to take all of you with me.



Besides, I found this Election Campaign Button designer and you can see I've gone a bit crazy with it. And as you know, accessories are very important to create an overall impression.



Most of you know that good makeup artistry will be a keystone of my party's platform. But first I have to decide what the name of my political party will be called, so you can immediately identify and affiliate yourself with me. That's crucial for me so that I can start receiving the donations that will go to my Tangobaby Campaign Wardrobe Fund. I want to be very transparent about that. The clothes are important.



One very important element of my campaign is YOU. I need to find a running mate and also key members of my cabinet and advisors. It's going to take a crack team of super smart, crazy talented people to turn this country around, and I think that all of the best people qualified to run this country read my blog.



So I am going to have a contest. A beauty-incentivized contest to bring out the patriots in you.

To show that I still believe in free elections that have nothing to do with Diebold machines, one lucky winner will be chosen in a drawing to receive an assortment of fun beauty treats that I haven't decided on yet. (But trust me, they'll be good.)



To enter my drawing, you must do THREE very important things in the comments of this post:

1. State what position you would play in my administration. It can be anything from Vice President (who's also in charge of Congress) to the Secretary of Footwear. (By the way, in case the random male that happens upon my blog would like to be a part of my administration, you are welcome to participate. I don't disqualify anyone on the basis of their gender because there are other important things I can use to base my judgement on. My caveat though is that if a guy wins the drawing, I might have to slightly alter the "beauty" concept of the giveaway.) Also, you are welcome to enter even if you don't live in this country. I just want smart people in my administration--I don't care where they live!

2. Write in at least three (but can be more) coherent and related sentences why you are best qualified for the position that you are seeking. This is a very important requirement for several reasons, the least of which being that I only want people who can construct complete sentences that show some semblance of a thought process. This way, if you end up being interviewed by Katie Couric, I won't be sitting here with knots in my stomach because you might say something really stupid and embarrass me and the campaign. Also, I want to preempt the vetting process so I don't have to look into your background and then later find out that when you were in the first grade, you used to belong to a militant separatist movement that wants to repatriate all zoo animals.

3. Choose one of the campaign buttons here to kick off my campaign. Or if you think these slogans suck, come up with something better. I want to keep using the Election Campaign Button generator because I think it's a hoot. Also, if you have some ideas for my platform, please do let me know. I want to keep up with the will(s) of the people. I do know that sushi will be an important area of my foreign policy.



My friends, I look forward to working with you to rebuild this great nation of tired, bummed out, poor people! I look forward to sending you some beauty products that will make you radiant!

I have decided to announce my running mate and my cabinet appointments on November 4, in order to tailgate on that other election that's being held on the same day.

Now, put on your thinking caps and get ready to win for a change!

xoxo

***
IMPORTANT CAMPAIGN UPDATE!!!

If you have designed a campaign button for Tangobaby/Your Name Here 2012, you won't be able to post it in the comment here. Please make a post on your blog with your campaign button and put the link in your comment so we can go and see your button.

Thank you, potential Secretary of State Julochka, for this sage advice!

You can see her button here.

***

SECOND IMPORTANT CAMPAIGN UPDATE!!!

I was seriously getting paranoid for a bit that Karl Rove was trying to keep me from running for office and that he broke Blogger so that none of you could leave comments for me.

But now Blogger appears to be fixed. I'm still thinking Rove had something to do with this but at least freedom to comment on blogs hasn't evaporated just yet. So do comment.

xoxo