Hello fellow Americans! All of you, the real and the fake Americans! Even you Communists in North Virginia! Hello!
I've given it a solid 24 hour's thought, which might be more time than Sarah Palin spent deciding whether to enhance the McCain nomination with her presence, and now I really think that I should run for President in 2012.
At first, I thought I only wanted to do it for the free clothes. (Which is still a huge incentive, to be honest.) And then I realized that I could offer a lot to the American people and perhaps give them something to look forward to in 2012 if our country is still around and holding elections then. I know that I may sound shallow and silly at times (but in a good way, I hope) but I think that it's time to step up to the plate and I want to take all of you with me.
Besides, I found this Election Campaign Button designer and you can see I've gone a bit crazy with it. And as you know, accessories are very important to create an overall impression.
Most of you know that good makeup artistry will be a keystone of my party's platform. But first I have to decide what the name of my political party will be called, so you can immediately identify and affiliate yourself with me. That's crucial for me so that I can start receiving the donations that will go to my Tangobaby Campaign Wardrobe Fund. I want to be very transparent about that. The clothes are important.
One very important element of my campaign is YOU. I need to find a running mate and also key members of my cabinet and advisors. It's going to take a crack team of super smart, crazy talented people to turn this country around, and I think that all of the best people qualified to run this country read my blog.
So I am going to have a contest. A beauty-incentivized contest to bring out the patriots in you.
To show that I still believe in free elections that have nothing to do with Diebold machines, one lucky winner will be chosen in a drawing to receive an assortment of fun beauty treats that I haven't decided on yet. (But trust me, they'll be good.)
To enter my drawing, you must do THREE very important things in the comments of this post:
1. State what position you would play in my administration. It can be anything from Vice President (who's also in charge of Congress) to the Secretary of Footwear. (By the way, in case the random male that happens upon my blog would like to be a part of my administration, you are welcome to participate. I don't disqualify anyone on the basis of their gender because there are other important things I can use to base my judgement on. My caveat though is that if a guy wins the drawing, I might have to slightly alter the "beauty" concept of the giveaway.) Also, you are welcome to enter even if you don't live in this country. I just want smart people in my administration--I don't care where they live!
2. Write in at least three (but can be more) coherent and related sentences why you are best qualified for the position that you are seeking. This is a very important requirement for several reasons, the least of which being that I only want people who can construct complete sentences that show some semblance of a thought process. This way, if you end up being interviewed by Katie Couric, I won't be sitting here with knots in my stomach because you might say something really stupid and embarrass me and the campaign. Also, I want to preempt the vetting process so I don't have to look into your background and then later find out that when you were in the first grade, you used to belong to a militant separatist movement that wants to repatriate all zoo animals.
3. Choose one of the campaign buttons here to kick off my campaign. Or if you think these slogans suck, come up with something better. I want to keep using the Election Campaign Button generator because I think it's a hoot. Also, if you have some ideas for my platform, please do let me know. I want to keep up with the will(s) of the people. I do know that sushi will be an important area of my foreign policy.
My friends, I look forward to working with you to rebuild this great nation of tired, bummed out, poor people! I look forward to sending you some beauty products that will make you radiant!
I have decided to announce my running mate and my cabinet appointments on November 4, in order to tailgate on that other election that's being held on the same day.
Now, put on your thinking caps and get ready to win for a change!
IMPORTANT CAMPAIGN UPDATE!!!
If you have designed a campaign button for Tangobaby/Your Name Here 2012, you won't be able to post it in the comment here. Please make a post on your blog with your campaign button and put the link in your comment so we can go and see your button.
Thank you, potential Secretary of State Julochka, for this sage advice!
You can see her button here.
SECOND IMPORTANT CAMPAIGN UPDATE!!!
I was seriously getting paranoid for a bit that Karl Rove was trying to keep me from running for office and that he broke Blogger so that none of you could leave comments for me.
But now Blogger appears to be fixed. I'm still thinking Rove had something to do with this but at least freedom to comment on blogs hasn't evaporated just yet. So do comment.