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Thursday, October 23, 2008

Join My Future Administration and Win a Prize!

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Hello fellow Americans! All of you, the real and the fake Americans! Even you Communists in North Virginia! Hello!

I've given it a solid 24 hour's thought, which might be more time than Sarah Palin spent deciding whether to enhance the McCain nomination with her presence, and now I really think that I should run for President in 2012.

At first, I thought I only wanted to do it for the free clothes. (Which is still a huge incentive, to be honest.) And then I realized that I could offer a lot to the American people and perhaps give them something to look forward to in 2012 if our country is still around and holding elections then. I know that I may sound shallow and silly at times (but in a good way, I hope) but I think that it's time to step up to the plate and I want to take all of you with me.

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Besides, I found this Election Campaign Button designer and you can see I've gone a bit crazy with it. And as you know, accessories are very important to create an overall impression.

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Most of you know that good makeup artistry will be a keystone of my party's platform. But first I have to decide what the name of my political party will be called, so you can immediately identify and affiliate yourself with me. That's crucial for me so that I can start receiving the donations that will go to my Tangobaby Campaign Wardrobe Fund. I want to be very transparent about that. The clothes are important.

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One very important element of my campaign is YOU. I need to find a running mate and also key members of my cabinet and advisors. It's going to take a crack team of super smart, crazy talented people to turn this country around, and I think that all of the best people qualified to run this country read my blog.

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So I am going to have a contest. A beauty-incentivized contest to bring out the patriots in you.

To show that I still believe in free elections that have nothing to do with Diebold machines, one lucky winner will be chosen in a drawing to receive an assortment of fun beauty treats that I haven't decided on yet. (But trust me, they'll be good.)

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To enter my drawing, you must do THREE very important things in the comments of this post:

1. State what position you would play in my administration. It can be anything from Vice President (who's also in charge of Congress) to the Secretary of Footwear. (By the way, in case the random male that happens upon my blog would like to be a part of my administration, you are welcome to participate. I don't disqualify anyone on the basis of their gender because there are other important things I can use to base my judgement on. My caveat though is that if a guy wins the drawing, I might have to slightly alter the "beauty" concept of the giveaway.) Also, you are welcome to enter even if you don't live in this country. I just want smart people in my administration--I don't care where they live!

2. Write in at least three (but can be more) coherent and related sentences why you are best qualified for the position that you are seeking. This is a very important requirement for several reasons, the least of which being that I only want people who can construct complete sentences that show some semblance of a thought process. This way, if you end up being interviewed by Katie Couric, I won't be sitting here with knots in my stomach because you might say something really stupid and embarrass me and the campaign. Also, I want to preempt the vetting process so I don't have to look into your background and then later find out that when you were in the first grade, you used to belong to a militant separatist movement that wants to repatriate all zoo animals.

3. Choose one of the campaign buttons here to kick off my campaign. Or if you think these slogans suck, come up with something better. I want to keep using the Election Campaign Button generator because I think it's a hoot. Also, if you have some ideas for my platform, please do let me know. I want to keep up with the will(s) of the people. I do know that sushi will be an important area of my foreign policy.

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My friends, I look forward to working with you to rebuild this great nation of tired, bummed out, poor people! I look forward to sending you some beauty products that will make you radiant!

I have decided to announce my running mate and my cabinet appointments on November 4, in order to tailgate on that other election that's being held on the same day.

Now, put on your thinking caps and get ready to win for a change!

xoxo

***
IMPORTANT CAMPAIGN UPDATE!!!

If you have designed a campaign button for Tangobaby/Your Name Here 2012, you won't be able to post it in the comment here. Please make a post on your blog with your campaign button and put the link in your comment so we can go and see your button.

Thank you, potential Secretary of State Julochka, for this sage advice!

You can see her button here.

***

SECOND IMPORTANT CAMPAIGN UPDATE!!!

I was seriously getting paranoid for a bit that Karl Rove was trying to keep me from running for office and that he broke Blogger so that none of you could leave comments for me.

But now Blogger appears to be fixed. I'm still thinking Rove had something to do with this but at least freedom to comment on blogs hasn't evaporated just yet. So do comment.

xoxo

35 comments:

julochka October 23, 2008 at 11:33 AM  

first, i want it to be noted that i already volunteered for your cabinet in the fashion-y campaign post. :-) but, now my formal application:

1. i would be a natural choice for Tangobaby Secretary of State.

2. first of all, i am aware that there are other countries. secondly, i live in one of them. thirdly, i frequent them, well, ...frequently. i speak several very important (and not at all minor) languages, so i could eavesdrop in the hallways and make sure we get the deals we want..like on arms control and stuff (because we will definitely think that arms should be a little more controlled than they are today). another plus, i pass through duty frees the world over and know where the best deals to be had on perfumes and mascara and mac cosmetics are--thereby saving the taxpayer/donors money because this is really largely about the wardrobe. additionally, i do not want, nor have i ever wanted a louis vuitton purse.

one thing that might speak against me, but i want to be up front about it so that you're not surprised by probing fox reporters--is that i tried, and utterly failed, to become miss south dakota, which is right up there with trying and failing to become miss alaska. but, i wanted you to know because i'm all about the honesty.

3. the comment field didn't like my button, so you'll have to go look at it on MPC--http://julochka.blogspot.com

pick me, pick me! :-)

xoxox,
/the other julie

tangobaby October 23, 2008 at 11:36 AM  

Oh, julochka. Oh oh oh.

This campaign is going to be awesome! Lock and load, baby! I'm off to see your button!

Paris Parfait October 23, 2008 at 12:28 PM  

OK, now I'm going to cry. Because I've just written a very long comment outlining why I should be UN Ambassador (since Julochka has dibs on Secretary of State) and it has vanished into thin air! pfft! Will try to rewrite it and get back to you

paris parfait October 23, 2008 at 12:29 PM  

It's because of some weird change to your post comments button, I think!

tangobaby October 23, 2008 at 1:31 PM  

Tara,

There is something wrong with Blogger right now because it's eating my comments too. I bet Karl Rove has something to do with this! Those people have NO sense of humor!

Dry your tears, honey and send your comment again! Your country needs you!

julochka October 23, 2008 at 1:53 PM  

just want to note that if paris parfait is more qualified than i am for secretary of state (tho' i have no idea what her actual pageant experience is, nor what she does for the talent competition ;-)), i would be willing to be an ambassador to somewhere fun. like south africa. or the philippines. just not india. i really don't like india.

Red Shoes October 23, 2008 at 1:56 PM  

Poop. My attempt at making a nice pretty link failed. Well: http://tangoyamor.blogspot.com/2008/10/tangobaby-for-president.html

tangobaby October 23, 2008 at 1:59 PM  

Honey, dear Red Shoes,

Please be sure to post your resume here in the comments. Otherwise I am going to get very confused on Election Night.

Thank you!

julochka October 23, 2008 at 2:00 PM  

i'm getting a little carried away and just made another button. :-)

tangobaby October 23, 2008 at 2:01 PM  

Julochka,

You're killing me. My eyeliner is totally messed up now. How can I run on a good makeup platform when you keep making my eyes tear up?!

LMAO!

P October 23, 2008 at 2:04 PM  

This is priceless. You are a maniac! How did you know "Blend, Baby, Blend!" was also my campaign slogan?

tangobaby October 23, 2008 at 2:07 PM  

Dear p,

Did I see it on your blog and plagiarize you? I am older than you so it's very possible I read that gem, stored it away in my mind like a squirrel stores an acorn in winter, and then dug it up thinking I had invented it.

Please tell me that you will come up with a post in my Cabinet or even Veep so that you can enter the drawing. If the lure of the White House is not enough.

Red Shoes October 23, 2008 at 2:44 PM  

Okay, TB, you got it:

I'm not cut out to be a true stateswoman. I'm too likely to make a dirty joke in front of heads of state. I like music that is, frankly, scandalous. I drink too much and I'm not nice to people I think are stupid. Therefore, TB:

1. I would like to nominate myself for the position of Secretary of Cultural Awesomeness.

2. I am qualified for this position for many reasons. I got an A- in my high school civics class. I like to read books, real ones made of paper, and while I spend lots of time in the outdoors I have never killed an animal for fun. I use multisyllabic words and I have traveled to other countries and gotten pissed with the natives, which is probably a better way to understand their national character than listening to their governments. And since style is substance these days: I can apply eyeliner in styles appropriate for either elegant state functions or rock concerts and dive bars, and I know when to use which. I can pull off wearing combat boots with an evening gown (and I do!), but I have never owned a dress (including my wedding dress!) which cost more than $500. One thing which could cause trouble, public-image-wise, is that I do know how to shoot a gun. I'm even kind of good at it. But at least I can honestly say I've never shot my friend in the face.

As the Sec'y of Cultural Awesomeness, I would fight for education--especially in the areas of literacy, history, and the arts--for artistic diversity and for intelligent creative expression, which is nothing like intelligent design at all.

julochka October 23, 2008 at 3:44 PM  

i've been discussing this with husband and he would be willing to be ambassador to denmark. it would save the taxpayers a LOT of money, because we already have a residence in denmark, so the US could get rid of that big house in hellerup. plus, he speaks danish! big plus--he could dig in straightaway.

and a little nepotism never hurt, right? (until it comes time for the firing...)

tangobaby October 23, 2008 at 3:49 PM  

Dear red shoes,

Not only are you smart as a freaking whip, but I want to appoint you immediately based on your choices of music (hey, you introduced me to the Hounds, so there you are) and the fact that you don't have patience with stupid people.

It is going to be very very hard for me not to jump the gun here before Nov. 4.

Dear julochka,

First off, when do you sleep? I think you are up way past your bedtime, if I'm calculating the time here.

Secondly, please tell mr. julochka that he is welcome to be a part of my administration too, but he has to tell me himself.

If he wins, I'll make sure that *his* prize has some girly things in it so he has to share with you. Politics is dog-eat-dog, ain't it?

Red Shoes October 23, 2008 at 4:23 PM  

TB, thanks ever so for the vote of confidence. The Hounds enjoy you, too. (Uh, are you coming out tomorrow?)

Red Shoes October 23, 2008 at 4:31 PM  

Also, for the record: I really hope Alex will take part in this little contest. I'm dying to know what he wants to run for. Come on, Alex!

A Cuban In London October 24, 2008 at 8:08 AM  

'accessories are very important to create an overall impression.'

Quite right, where's your moose head? Or at least a black choker with a rifle decoration on it? :-)

Do you accept donations from overseas? They are 'verboten' in GB.

Greetings from London.

Kath October 24, 2008 at 10:02 AM  

Good afternoon.

1. I should be appointed as Contractor Administrator Specialist - Government Procurement of Wine.

2. This is likely not a cabinet post, however, it is an extremely important position that I should like to attain by sheer nepotism (that is, you may appoint me because I support you strongly and we have a pre-existing friendship which does not entail testifying against each other at hearings). This posting will be important to you because at some point, as leader, you are going to need a drink and a very good drink at that. I shall ensure that you have such drink readily available. I will support the wine industry world-wide so that the international world will not think that you are an uppity American who simply sips California Wines.

3. My campaign button for you will read, "drink baby drink".

xo
Kath

tangobaby October 24, 2008 at 10:15 AM  

Hi a cuban in london,

I know you are goading me, but I have to tell you it won't work. Any smart dresser knows that you have to create your own look. I don't hunt and I'm sure I've never seen a moose or a rifle so those accessories would not be authentic for me.

And using last year's fashions is just not done either.

But instead of donating to my wardrobe fund, I think you should consider yourself for a position in my admnistration, perhaps something along the lines of Salman Rushdie Reading Specialist or Secretary of World Dance.

See? That would be fun, wouldn't it?

Hi kath,

Great idea for a position. I am admittedly not knowledgeable about wine at all so I will look forward to having you play an important role in my administration!

I also think it will be very helpful to have more Canadians around me as advisors.

Really, the only wine I drink is Pinot Grigio (usually Italian) and red wine gives me a headache. So please do advise! And tell Margie to come up with something too!

;-)

julochka October 24, 2008 at 11:50 AM  

i totally vote for kath and think she should probably even be VP...wine is essential!!!

namastenancy October 24, 2008 at 3:16 PM  

I love these comments. Such clever and talented people. Now, if the position doesn't exist now, you should create it. There's more intelligence and brain power here than in the whole administration of the current (illegal) occupant of the White House. But I think that you should totally consider a make over for any guy that qualifies. A lot of guys that I know could use your superb skills.

Let's see - My qualifications for Secretary of the Arts. Working artist for most of my life but totally unsuccessful so I understand the struggles of the underdog. I've attended many schools, art focused and otherwise so I have personal experience of the classroom and teachers that can teach and teachers that...can't. You can't beat age and experience on this. I've traveled a lot as a kid (Navy brat) and as an adult; I did the backpack, 3rd class routine before a lot of people ever heard of the words. Heck, I probably invented the concept (see reference to age, experience). I've visited museums from Tokyo to Bombay and all parts in between so I'm not just Euro-centric in my artistic vision. I've taught art on a tight budget so I won't waste taxpayer money but I also believe in the power of the arts to inspire, motivate and heal so I'm coming from the viewpoint of dedication.
Furthermore, if I get appointed, I will donate my artwork to various worthy causes. Unfortunately, none of it includes clothes so I'm sorry to disappoint you there.
Further points in my favor - well, I think that you are one kick-ass photographer and as cute as they come. Just think how much more beautiful you will look when you are photographed against a striking work of art.

Christina October 24, 2008 at 5:26 PM  

Hmm...

I think I should be your official, cheese-monger. (dealer and trader in delicious commodity)

My qualifications speak for themselves.

1.I am from Wisconsin! The dairy state! I come from a wholesome, midwestern, background.

2.I have eaten from a wheel of parmesan in Italy. I know where the best cheese can be found. (foreign affairs covered)

3.I have fried cheese in olive oil, for breakfast. (not afraid to take risk for the little guy/girl)

4. You can love cheese or hate it, I won't make decisions for you on what you should eat. (common sense)

As for a campaign button.

"Cheese is the real m.f maverick!"

Tangobaby, I really need to stop! ; ) Theres 5 ft flames shooting out of a stove on a fri. night and I'm over here talking sh*t on your blog!

: )

Mr. Red Shoes October 24, 2008 at 7:41 PM  

I would like to offer my services to your fine administration as your *cough* intern.

I am ready and willing to take on the dirty work of this administration. I possess all the tools and skills required for the position. Regardless of how much needs to be done, you will find me tireless and capable.

My button is over at Ms. Red Shoes' blog.

Amanda October 28, 2008 at 4:54 AM  

First, Tangobaby, you CRACK me up! julochka introduced me to you and shit, you crack me up. After thinking for several days on this,

I nominate myself as secretary of what-the-fuck? (see my blog for further information)

You see, every campaign (and presidency for that matter) needs someone out there observing, and taking the pulse of both the campaign and the community at large. I have a very real propensity for saying "what the fuck" when needed. If, for instance you chose to represent the middle class of America, and then someone suggested that you go spend $150,000 on clothes, I would stand up and shout, "WHAT THE FUCK, TANGOBABY?"

And, for instance if you came back from war and wanted to divorce your spouse because he/she had experienced a major trauma and didn't look the same, again, I would shout "WHAT THE FUCK, TANGOBABY?"

I am currently traveling for work in SE Georgia (USA) so might be unavailable at regular intervals, but I will post my campaign button at my first chance.

I bet you can guess what it might say...

tangobaby October 28, 2008 at 11:37 AM  

Ohmygoodness you guys are awesome!

My administration is going to R-O-C-K!!!

Hi namastenancy,

I hope your computer is feeling better and that you're actually able to read this comment.

I think you will make a fantastic Secretary of the Arts, in all honesty. I've learned a lot about art from you already and now I'm pleased to have one of your paintings gracing my wall.

I would give you the job anyway, even if you did not compliment me and make me blush. Thank you!

Hi christina,

I did not even realize that the country needed an Official Cheesemonger until now! But of course we do! We've been raised Velveeta! We don't know jack about cheese (pun intended) and you need to help us get to the next level.

And we have lots of local dairies that make amazing cheeses. Yes! YES! Cheese for everyone!

Dear mr. red shoes,

First of all, let me apologize for not addressing you sooner. Your offer is bold and cute as hell and the fact that I have my own intern now is cracking me up every time I give it a moment's though.

I know you realize the seriousness that such a position holds in my administration and I know that you are the type of man who will take interning to the next level.

We applaud you, and thank Ms. Red Shoes for sharing the wealth!

xoxo (I can kiss you, right? You are my intern!)

Hi amanda,

Hooray! A new reader (thanks julochka, the other julie) and you're from Kansas! I need more Midwesterners to bring much needed depth to my shallow campaign!

And a Secretary of WTF?! How incredibly perfect is THAT?

You and I are going to be friends. I can see that immediately.

Vanessa October 29, 2008 at 3:55 AM  

You are so ON, T-baby.

tangobaby October 29, 2008 at 5:17 PM  

Vanessa,

You know I need you. AMERICA needs you.

How's THAT for a guilt trip?!

;-)

n a n c y October 30, 2008 at 5:52 PM  

I offer myself for the post of Geriatric affairs. I am younger than Cloris and older than Cher. Formerly known as TangoSlut to my friends, I also answer to MedicareSlut. I am multilingual and well-traveled: BsAs annually, China, India, Europe, Central America, yadda. Unable to create a campaign button, will my AARP card do? Remember: old folks can get away with saying anything and, at best, will be accused of being 'erratic'. Hmmm.....do you need an Attack Bitch?

tangobaby October 31, 2008 at 9:55 AM  

Hi n a n c y,

Now having a Geriatric TangoSlut is really going to make a huge difference in getting me those dance fanatics and/or seniors! I think you've truly addressed an untapped pool of voters here! And yes, I think I would like an Attach Bitch.

Thank you! Your resume is gladly accepted!

Brenda@View From The Pines November 3, 2008 at 6:37 AM  

I just found you. You're going on Google Reader. I am 51 years old, a Meals On Wheels volunteer, gardening blogger and menopausal woman. I don't know you yet, and you don't know me. But I would like to be head of Menopausal Affairs. I know from which I speak on this matter, and I would make sure all menopausal women get their allotment of chocolate and drugs for hot flashes. A sort of "Medicare" system solely for the woman over 50. And if they're also Democrat, they would get extra allowances. I would also work a side position patrolling for evil individuals who are cruel to animals and mete out their punishment. I'll be seeing you.
Brenda

Brenda@View From The Pines November 3, 2008 at 6:39 AM  

Another caveat...I live in Republican- dominated East Texas. So I would have to wade through shit to get to my post. Would require advance notice to buy snow shoes...
Brenda

tangobaby November 3, 2008 at 6:59 AM  

Hi Brenda,

Well, what a lovely surprise to find you here on a Monday morning! Welcome! And just in time to join my administration!

I think your appointment is sheer brilliance. Your time has come, and I will make sure that your office is stocked with every kind of chocolate (white, dark, milk, etc.) so that you have all of the tools you need to take care of the women of this country!

Welcome aboard!

ps. Having grown up in California, I'm not sure I've ever seen a pair of snowshoes, but I'll get my Secretary of Campaign Buttons, julochka, to send you a pair from Denmark. How's that sound?

;-)

TheElementary November 3, 2008 at 6:00 PM  

I would like to be your gardener. My reasons are thus:
In all the Agatha Christie books I have read, the gardener is always the most invisible, overlooked and forgotten character: yet is often the crucial element in the plot precisely because of that inconspicuous role. As a discreet gardener-figure who listens and observes I would be able to acquire much information that could assist you as President.

-In my schooldays I was permanently known as 'The Quiet One' to the extent that I tricked an old-lady nun teacher into thinking she had lost my term paper when in fact I had not written it, and I subsequently got the highest possible grade without doing any work.

-Once, at school, I was hit in the back with a glass bottle by a fellow- accidentally, as it was intended for somebody else- and, due to his thinking I was harmless and inconsequential, he laughed and turned away, whereupon I proceeded to smack him in the face and make a teenage boy cry real tears in front of the entire class.

-I frequently talk to plants and shrubs and flowers, have a functioning knowledge of green things, and would build a solid friendship with any foliage I am entrusted with.

Ask Agatha Christie. She knew the value of hiring a dark-horse gardener of many hats.

Thank you for your consideration.

tangobaby November 4, 2008 at 10:50 AM  

Hi TheElementary,

I am pleased as punch to accept your generous offer to be the official gardener of the Tangobaby presidency, although I may have to finesse your job title a little bit. I think having someone around who knows a lot about mystery novels could be very important in ways I don't realize yet, as well as being quiet and slightly naughty while looking innocent.

I would probably be compelled to appoint you solely because I imagine that you have the cutest Irish accent I've ever heard and that enough would work for me. But if you can make the White House beautiful as well, then I think you'll be perfect!