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Tuesday, October 21, 2008

FREE Wardrobe Giveaway!

Girls! GIRLS! Listen up!

Not only have we made a million trillion cracks in the glass ceiling with our Aqua Nett'ed beehive hairdos, but now we have a surefire way to get an incredible new designer wardrobe in LESS THAN A MONTH! And it includes shoes, too!

Sound too good to be true?

It's NOT!

All you have to do is become a candidate for the Vice Presidency in 2012! And then you can have more clothes and shoes than you can shake a Hermes Birkin bag at! (Although you might want to pick accessories that are not so, well--you know...French.)

Let's leave the option for this fantastic clothing and political giveaway open to both parties because we don't want all of those poor Republicans we've been picking on lately to think that they get to corner the market on the most ludicrous news and incredibly poor judgement forever.

I wonder if all of those "real" Americans (you know who you are) thought all of Palin's new clothes came from the Wasilla Wal-Mart. (To be frank, I thought Cindy was being the ultimate gal-pal and footing the bill for Palin's duds. Clothes, I mean. Not "duds," as in what comes out of the candidate's mouth.)

Saks Fifth Avenue, New York and St. Louis: $49,425.74
Neiman Marcus, Minneapolis: $75,062.63
(To be fair, they only spent a few grand in Barneys and Bloomingdales, but those stores do kind of suck in comparison, imho.)
Total: over $150,000!

Now, if they had made this shopping spree a reality TV show, maybe called something like "Dressing Sarah: Forget the Lipstick!" or "Race to the Fashion White House!", they would have gotten ginormous ratings! Hell, I would have tuned in!

Thank goodness for campaign finance reporting! Thank goodness this spreading the wealth of people's campaign donations on clothing is enhancing the free market and American capitalism and not anything resembling that nasty socialism. Whew.


ps. I would totally consider running for office if I could finally get a pair of Christian Louboutins. I know some others of you would too. I could even save a campaign money because I can do my own makeup, and even do some touchups for my running mate.

pps. I know some of you might think that I'm a little jealous and bitter because I'm sitting here in a hand-me-down Dittmer's Sausage Haus t-shirt and some old sweat pants, and you might be a tiny bit right about that. But I really want some new clothes too. I'll even settle for Zara right now.

Photos stealthily lifted from neimanmarcus.com.


Bill Stankus October 21, 2008 at 10:08 PM  

I have no idea what you said about fashion names but I will vote for you anyway! Christian Louboutins?

I know about Fletcher Christian and Christian nutjobs and maybe a few Christians from school and work... I know, typical guy.

tangobaby October 21, 2008 at 10:14 PM  

Hi bill,

The only way you might know about Christian Louboutins are 1. you are a girl, or 2. you are gay.

Even watching Sex and the City wouldn't have helped because Carrie was all about her Manolo Blahniks.

However, I accept you being the first person to help me achieve fashion greatness and political acclaim. If I win, I promise to give you my Dittmer's Sausage Haus t-shirt.

But while I have you here, you being a typical guy and all, I want to know who is your FAVE Fletcher Christian: Errol Flynn, Clark Gable, Marlon Brando or Mel Gibson before he became crazy and was still hot as hell.

Carol October 22, 2008 at 12:29 AM  

Wow, $150,000 on clothes. Seems such a waste.

namastenancy October 22, 2008 at 12:59 AM  

I was shocked when I read about how much has been spent on her clothes, shoes, makeup and what-not's. This is the party of Joe the six pack? Oh sure. Right. My greatest fear now is that they will steal the election again; they are already messing with voter registration in many states. If they manage to pull another coup d'etat, who knows how high the wardrobe budget will go?

Vanessa October 22, 2008 at 2:37 AM  

The White House is the biggest makeover. Great post, T-baby in a sausage haus shirt.

julochka October 22, 2008 at 3:55 AM  

hey, don't knock Zara!! ;-)

seriously, don't you think she was just trying to stimulate the economy?

hahahaha! this one seriously takes the cake, doesn't it?

paris parfait October 22, 2008 at 4:30 AM  

Ha ha - sounds like you're channeling Princess Sparkle Pony (who would be proud, Miss Parker). And Christian Louboutins are hard to resist. But the funny thing about Ms. Palin is despite the hefty clothing expenditure, she can't disguise her lack of knowledge. But she does know how to get the State of Alaska to pay for her children's travel expenses! What an achievement.

Red Shoes October 22, 2008 at 7:33 AM  

Gross. I already didn't want that woman "representing" me as an American female. Every day it gets worse. Ick.

Bill Stankus October 22, 2008 at 8:40 AM  

Which Fletcher Christian? Never Mel, even if we had never seen his ugly side.

Brando is always remarkable but I have to vote Clark Gable as my fave FC.

His dynamic version, especially when pitched against Charles Laughton's Captain Bligh never grows stale.

In an older vernacular, Gable was both a "man's man" and a "heart throb". And he was also a solid actor.

Christina October 22, 2008 at 9:31 AM  

I will mail you my early vote! : )

Can't say I am into the shoes, I have spent my life working with bad boys and sweating over 900 degree flames. Wow, I am sad!

I need to move closer just because you are a girl!

: )

tangobaby October 22, 2008 at 10:02 AM  

Hi carol,

I bet they could have spent a lot more than $150K on her clothes. I think they just didn't have enough time allotted for shopping!

Hi namastenancy,

Don't worry about fraud and elections being stolen just yet. I'm sure the Republicans have a few more feet to shoot themselves in before Nov. 4. And I betcha that FOX News will be running a whole expose on Palin's wardrobe tonight.

I betcha FOX can't wait to talk about this. Betcha. *wink*

Hi Vanessa,

You are brilliant. That's the best line ever! BTW, it was quite true about the sausage t-shirt. That is another good quality I have to run for office--I don't LIE.

Hi julochka,

Actually, I like Zara. In fact, I was just there yesterday at lunch looking at all of the outfits there that I can't afford either.

It was just my bitterness and jealousy coming out. Or it was my willingness to campaign for less than couture.

Hi paris parfait,

I happened to see that Princess Sparkle Pony had a post too, after I had already written mine. But she was more about standing up for the Hockey Moms and I was more about getting free clothes. So we had different approaches to the issue.

I have a feeling that people just run up and offer to pay for her kids' expenses and stuff like that and she says "oh no no no, I couldn't accept that really." And then they say, "Go on, it's okay, you're allowed to get all of these freebies because you're not part of the Washington Elite" and then she says "Okay!"

I bet none of it is her idea and it's her advisors that are getting her into all of this hot water. Hell, I bet Dick Cheney's the one who told her that she gets to be in charge of Congress!

Poor thing.

Hi red shoes,

You're so much of a class act that she couldn't represent you in a million years. Also, you are incredibly intelligent and so that automatically puts you out of her sphere of influence.

Don't lose heart. xoxo

Hi bill,

Even though the Republicans do not believe in litmus testing (like on abortion and women's health), I happen to be a fan of litmus tests and you have just passed mine.

Not only is Gable awesome as Fletcher Christian, but I forgot about Charles Laughton. I love him!

Hi christina,

Thank you for supporting my candidacy. When I win "Best Dressed VP Candidate," one of my first duties will be to make sure that you live in the White House with me and you can be in charge of all of the White House dinner menus and you won't have to cook. Just supervise.

NEWS FLASH: Oh! I just found out that the VP doesn't get to live in the White House. Shoot. It's not a dorm. Well, we'll figure something out. My instincts tell me that Sarah would figure out a way to get to live in the White House somehow.

quitecontrary1977 October 22, 2008 at 11:34 AM  

Good post! You blended politics and fashion succesfully. Not an easy task! Kudos. Come by my blog sometime. I'm giving away a dress, among other things right now! http://nowenteringmomville.blogspot.com

Anonymous October 24, 2008 at 10:08 AM  

No one seemed to care when Hilary spent $18,000 on 3 pant suits or when John Edwards spent $400 on a haircut.

tangobaby October 24, 2008 at 10:17 AM  

Hi quitecontrary,

Thanks for the visit! I think it's getting easier to blend politics with pretty much anything these days. And I will stop by and see your giveaway. I never seem to win those sorts of things, but perhaps my luck is changing.

Hi anonymous,

Wow! You really zinged me there. Wow. Yes, you're totally right. Great comment. Wow.

tangobaby October 24, 2008 at 10:27 AM  

Oh anonymous, one more thing. Yes, actually people did care, especially people like Anne Coulter and Rush Limbaugh when John Edward got his haircut. One or the other of them called him a "faggot" when the news broke, too.

I think it was only one haircut, maybe two? Even if the DNC did pay for his hairstylin' ways (which I can't remember if he paid for them himself or not and I'm too bored to look it up), he'd have to get about 375 haircuts to add up to what Palin's new wardrobe costs. That's a lot of haircuts. Like 31 years of haircuts if you get them every four weeks.

julochka October 24, 2008 at 11:53 AM  

sorry, i can't restrain--mr. anonymous dude...it would take john edwards 2.7 YEARS worth of daily haircuts to equal this failed miss alaska's shopping spree...