Girls! GIRLS! Listen up!
Not only have we made a million trillion cracks in the glass ceiling with our Aqua Nett'ed beehive hairdos, but now we have a surefire way to get an incredible new designer wardrobe in LESS THAN A MONTH! And it includes shoes, too!
Sound too good to be true?
All you have to do is become a candidate for the Vice Presidency in 2012! And then you can have more clothes and shoes than you can shake a Hermes Birkin bag at! (Although you might want to pick accessories that are not so, well--you know...French.)
Let's leave the option for this fantastic clothing and political giveaway open to both parties because we don't want all of those poor Republicans we've been picking on lately to think that they get to corner the market on the most ludicrous news and incredibly poor judgement forever.
I wonder if all of those "real" Americans (you know who you are) thought all of Palin's new clothes came from the Wasilla Wal-Mart. (To be frank, I thought Cindy was being the ultimate gal-pal and footing the bill for Palin's duds. Clothes, I mean. Not "duds," as in what comes out of the candidate's mouth.)
Saks Fifth Avenue, New York and St. Louis: $49,425.74
Neiman Marcus, Minneapolis: $75,062.63
(To be fair, they only spent a few grand in Barneys and Bloomingdales, but those stores do kind of suck in comparison, imho.)
Total: over $150,000!
Now, if they had made this shopping spree a reality TV show, maybe called something like "Dressing Sarah: Forget the Lipstick!" or "Race to the Fashion White House!", they would have gotten ginormous ratings! Hell, I would have tuned in!
Thank goodness for campaign finance reporting! Thank goodness this spreading the wealth of people's campaign donations on clothing is enhancing the free market and American capitalism and not anything resembling that nasty socialism. Whew.
ps. I would totally consider running for office if I could finally get a pair of Christian Louboutins. I know some others of you would too. I could even save a campaign money because I can do my own makeup, and even do some touchups for my running mate.
pps. I know some of you might think that I'm a little jealous and bitter because I'm sitting here in a hand-me-down Dittmer's Sausage Haus t-shirt and some old sweat pants, and you might be a tiny bit right about that. But I really want some new clothes too. I'll even settle for Zara right now.
Photos stealthily lifted from neimanmarcus.com.
Please visit my new site.
You can find new writing, new photos at
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Girls! GIRLS! Listen up!