How to Run a Real Fashion-y Campaign

When I woke up this morning, I was so jazzed about the idea of starting my fact-finding commission so that I could consider being on a ticket for the 2012 elections.

I hate picking out what to wear in the morning because some of my clothes are looking pretty tired and it takes a lot of effort to pull together a cute outfit with last year's H&M sweaters.

So imagine my little fashion bubble being burst when I read this statement from the McCain campaign:

"With all of the important issues facing the country right now, it's remarkable that we're spending time talking about pantsuits and blouses," said spokesperson Tracey Schmitt. "It was always the intent that the clothing go to a charitable purpose after the campaign."

That statement totally bummed me out. Sarah doesn't get to keep the clothes! Man, if I were her, I'd drop out of the race right this instant. Ladies, you know how it is--when you finally get some awesome clothes that fit you perfectly and make you look like someone you're not, only better...and then--you have to give them back?! That is a fashionista's worst nightmare!

But who wants used Vice Presidential candidate clothes? What, are they going to make her sell the clothes on eBay, like that plane? (Oh, I forgot. That didn't really happen.) Or maybe she can donate the clothes to "real" Americans like Joe the Plumber's wife (if he has one, I'm being hypothetical here) and that poor old lady (Gayle Quinnell) who told McCain that Obama was a Muslim terrorist. You know, like dividends to people who helped with the campaign.

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BUT, then I thought: Hey, in some totally warped space-time continuum where Palin really does make it to the second most powerful job in the country, she'll be in charge of Congress! I bet she could use that power to work with Congress to change the laws regarding how campaigns spend their funds! With enough winking, she could get those dowdy senators to let her keep the clothes.

And then that would pave the way for me to run my exploratory commission. Because I'm only interested in running if I get to keep the clothes.

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Just so you know, if and when I decide to run for office in 2012, I will buy my starter campaign wardrobe from the Back Room at Loehmann's because, let's face it, "real" Americans wouldn't know a last season's Valentino suit from this season's, and I don't want to abuse their trust. I would rather spend their money with much foresight and discretion than blow it all in a single whopping orgasmic spree.

Once I get into office though, then I'll be shopping full retail--no sales!--after I wrangle Congress to give me a raise.

ps. Just so you know, I would like to express my flexibility in thinking by going more with Donna Karan than St. John and Valentino for my campaign wardrobe. I want my candidacy not to require me to have to wear Spanx all the time.