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Wednesday, October 29, 2008

I Have Arrived

I have to tell you that my campaign for 2012 is off to such a great start. I'm so glad I skipped that whole fact-finding commission! I'm probably going to skip the vetting process too since I'm so pleased with all of my prospective administration officials so far.

You are so good at offering yourselves up to the campaign in the spirit of Civic Duty, and obviously the hope of winning a beauty basket didn't hurt either.

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I think my campaign really is going to pick up steam now because I have one of the most important things a president or a presidential hopeful can have.

I have my own intern.

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Not to mention all of the other super-fantastic cabinet roles I would have never even thought of, like my Secretary of WTF? and Official Cheesemonger. But where are you?

Seriously. I don't have anyone like YOU in my campaign. So step up and sign up. You have until November 4 to participate! I will announce my entire future administration and my VP choice then. (And I am for full inclusion in my administration: Boys, our friends to the north in Canada, assorted people from all nations that still like us and hold out a wee bit of hope that we'll get our sh*t together, and people with exceptionally developed senses of humor are all encouraged to participate.)

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BTW, why would it be that you would come home from work and find that your modem doesn't work? Just like that-- poof! I always jump to conclusions and assume that Karl Rove is behind things like this, but maybe we didn't pay the cable bill? Not having internet access at home is not enjoyable. It's pointing a big finger at my addiction. But it's my addiction to YOU.

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UPDATE: Because I know that some of you secretly want to make your own campaign buttons.

17 comments:

robin bird October 29, 2008 at 11:51 AM  

i am really going to be sorry to see this election come to a close. it has provided you with endless and fantastic blog material for months now. you may find yourself having some withdrawal symproms once this all comes to a close. so doctor bird says beware! have bag of cheetos and chocolate some ice cream available for those long nights ahead with nowhere to go with for decent palin jokes.

i wanna be the psychiatrist to the stars on your campaign. i do stress management, weight management, and hospitalization of personality disordered opponents. that last one is a bonus to you since we are friends.

robin bird October 29, 2008 at 11:53 AM  

jesus TB. can you cover up my spelling/typing/grammar errors before i get accused of falsified education records and they find i have a 5th grade education!

Paris Parfait October 29, 2008 at 11:56 AM  

Oh that is annoying - no computer access! And I still haven't found time to write up my CV to be UN ambassador. I will try to do that soon. (See that's one of the things about being a diplomat - you are endlessly busy, being diplomatic). And of course I have to break in my 1930s-look shoes, which were really for the Prix de l'Arc de Triomphe, but it rained and I couldn't wear them then. So now I must wear them tomorrow when I'm using my diplomatic skills in introducing an American guest to a French hairdresser. And how is any of this related? It's not - it's a stream of consciousness of nonsense, a la the current Republican vp pick. I can do better, I promise! Back with that c.v. soon! :) xo

julochka October 29, 2008 at 1:42 PM  

i have to admit that i kinda forgot about the beauty basket. for me, it's all about the campaign buttons. :-)

and seriously, who has a modem anymore? go get wifi!! i can highly recommend a time capsule. it's magic.

Elizabeth October 29, 2008 at 2:00 PM  

TB,
I was going to try to join your ticket but I was/am too lazy.
Unless you need lazy people, then count me in.
E
Minister of the department of leisure?

dutchbaby October 29, 2008 at 2:09 PM  

I don't believe you've filled the Department Head of Floristry position yet. I would like to throw my hat in because I promise that your campaign will always be fragrant with beautiful fresh flowers. I promise to always buy fair trade flowers and last, but not least, I promise to make sure that anyone who annoys you will be ... composted.

tangobaby October 29, 2008 at 2:43 PM  

Hi robin bird,

Well, look at it this way. The election will be over and hopefully our country will try to get its act together and we won't be the "assholes of the Universe" (that's quoting Sarah Silverman, I didn't say it), or McCain will win and then I'll ask you to start prescribing anti-psychotic drugs for me and my friends.

About the spelling and typos. It's all of your bubbly enthusiasm spilling over onto the keyboard. Don't worry about it. You're too cool to worry about an over-excited speller!

Hi paris parfait,

I really must have a photo of those shoes. I may have to suspend my campaign until I see a photo of your shoes!

Keep streaming, honey. It's the best way to write. I'm always amazed that people can follow my meanderings. Then I don't feel so crazy.

Hi julochka,

Now that you say it, I don't think it's a modem. It's this little black plastic thingy that's hooked up to my Airport and it has a bunch of blinking green lights but one of them is blinking RED and I think that's what's f-ing everything up.

The blinking lights would be charming and almost Christmas-y but right now because something's broken, they just make me mad.

Hi elizabeth,

I'm lazy too, but I'm running for president. Come on, I know you can do better!

Hi dutchbaby,

Hey! That's perfect! Is there a greenhouse at the White House? ;-)

But will you also moonlight as my Chief of Calligraphy and make all of my documents look beautiful? Can you use that sealing wax on them, too? Oh, I'm SO excited!

Vanessa October 29, 2008 at 3:12 PM  

Those buttons, they kill me.

I am trying to be warm, witty, and wise here to earn both your respect and trust. But mostly, truly, really, for the buttons.

A Cuban In London October 29, 2008 at 3:47 PM  

Mirth and joy, that's what you have brought to my life tonight :-)

Greetings from London.

Christina October 29, 2008 at 3:52 PM  

Wait, should I have made a button?? Aww damn! Guess that's why I am going for cheesemonger. : )

tangobaby October 29, 2008 at 5:14 PM  

Hi vanessa,

You don't have to be warm and witty and wise on OUR account! Come for the buttons, but better yet, make one yourself and show us!

I promise you, you won't be able to stop with one. It's addictive!

http://www.imagechef.com/ic/make.jsp?tid=Election+Campaign+Button

Hi a cuban in london,

I'm so glad I made you laugh! Or chuckle. Or think I'm silly.

I'm trying to distract you from thinking that all Americans are total losers!

You are very kind and whenever I see your name here, I realize that I need to start reading better books.

;-)

Hi christina,

Oh, please make me a button. Please.

http://www.imagechef.com/ic/make.jsp?tid=Election+Campaign+Button

You can still be a cheesemonger and whatever else you want to tack on there. I thought your idea was brilliant AND it made me hungry.

Amanda October 29, 2008 at 7:38 PM  

Wowza...I got a mention on a Tangobaby post...I am flattered (read, I am totally sucking up to you because there are probably some things that I will want included in future legislation)

You so totally bring a laugh to my everyday.

Red Shoes October 29, 2008 at 9:15 PM  

Your intern was delighted and flattered...

julochka October 30, 2008 at 12:40 AM  

you've gotta come and see my latest buttons: http://julochka.blogspot.com/2008/10/im-back-on-form.html

have i mentioned that i adore the campaign button maker?

tangobaby October 30, 2008 at 10:40 AM  

Hi Amanda,

Of course. You were so generous in singing my praises and so enthusiastic, that I've instantly adopted you. Besides, who doesn't want a Secretary of WTF? I'm sure John McCain wished he had one this whole time on the campaign trail!

If you really want to suck up to me, I'll provide a list of things that would really work to get me to your way of thinking! Or you can work with my intern.

heh heh

Hi red shoes,

I can't even imagine having a better intern than mr. red shoes. Smart, cute, talented (a chef!) a musician...my goodness, where does the fabulousness end?!

Thanks for sharing the wealth!

Hi julochka,

I think a day without the Campaign Button Maker is a day without that extra little bit of pizazz, don't you think? I like "Step Away from the White House" especially.

namastenancy October 31, 2008 at 10:31 AM  

I'm finally getting caught up on my blog reading after Open Studios. No computer access? I FEEL your pain. If McPain gets elected, well...we will all be lining up for those drugs at robin bird's clinic and if Obama is elected, we'll use those lips to kiss everybody in sight.

tangobaby October 31, 2008 at 11:06 AM  

Hi namastenancy,

Let's keep hoping it's the lips we'll need and not the drugs! Four more days!

;-)