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Sunday, October 5, 2008

I'm More of a Fortune Cookie Person Myself

But years before the fortune cookies, I was really a Bazooka Joe person.

Do you remember Bazooka bubble gum? The powdery dust on that hard-as-a-rock gum, how good it smelled, how you almost broke your jaw trying to chew it before you got enough spit into it to make it soft?

And the little cartoon folded up inside the wrapper, on that waxy paper? My sister and I used to collect them. You got a cartoon and a fortune. Remember? (And then Bubblicious got invented and that semi-disgusting Freshen-Up gum with the goo in the middle and we stopped chewing Bazooka.)

***

Anyway, I was just pondering my inspirations for wisdom since I did not ever notice that you can get it from Starbuck's cups, too. But Sarah Palin does:



I know it's nitpicky, but if you want to see what those words of wisdom really were on her cup, look here. But if she had used those words instead, the story wouldn't have been as cute.

I don't know why she's so down on us in California!

"Okay, now, thank you so much for receiving that well. I didn't know how that was gonna go over. And now, California, let's see what a comment like I just made, how that is turned into whatever it'll be turned into tomorrow with the newspaper."

***

And now I'm going to hell because I wouldn't vote for her because she's a woman? I thought I was going to hell because I was born Jewish. Or at least that's what some Born Again Christians have politely told me in the past. (Someone is going to have to explain the Rapture again to me because it is so confusing. Why is Israel so loved but we're still going to hell? Ah well, if there is a hell, I think I'll see a lot of people I enjoy there, so maybe it won't be that bad.)

I just learned that the real reason I don't like Sarah Palin has nothing to do with the fact that I am not impressed with her record and experience in the PTA, as a mayor or governor, her education and mostly, her positions on things that are important to me, especially when put into context of holding the second highest office in the country (or the first, if you consider Dick Cheney).

No! I've been undermining Palin because I'm jealous! Wow! Who knew?! Apparently Brenda Luscombe knows my motives better than I know myself. Which would explain why I posted that Barbie Doll head photo recently.

I'm such a bitch!

Does this mean Letterman won't be burning in Hell because he's a man? It's so not fair. Here it is... I'm allowed to think and vote and be a woman, but I'm still wrong.

***

ps. I don't know if you noticed, but the fortune on this particular Bazooka Joe comic says "Don't take a detour on the path to greatness." I should send that in to the RNC and see if a speechwriter picks up on it. heh heh.

pss. And if I am such a bitch like that article says I am, then I'm going to have to say that Sarah needs to apply her blush/bronzer differently. Applying that bronzer in a line back to her ears like that...it's sooooo Eighties. And she needs to blend.

psss. And do I have a crush on Joe Biden now? Yeah, I think I do. And it looks like I'm not the only one. Well, I've had non-traditional crushes before-- I've had the hots for Carl Sagan since I was twelve.

***

UPDATE 10/5: Looks like Madame Albright isn't okay at all with Palin misquoting her.
Her reply:

Albright responded to Palin's remarks in a statement to the Huffington Post on Sunday. "Though I am flattered that Governor Palin has chosen to cite me as a source of wisdom, what I said had nothing to do with politics. This is yet another example of McCain and Palin distorting the truth, and all the more reason to remember that this campaign is not about gender, it is about which candidate has an agenda that will improve the lives of all Americans, including women. The truth is, if you care about the status of women in our society and in our troubled economy, the best choice by far is Obama-Biden."

Zing!

11 comments:

rochambeau October 5, 2008 at 5:24 AM  

Dear Tango Baby,
Bring back the Bazooka and Bring back the brains to the American people! Brains that have insight and can see through propaganda. Minds that can look out for the people in our country.
Thanks for dropping by recently. It has helped my transition.

xox
Constance

Oh dear God if that woman ends up leading our country. ;-(

Christina October 5, 2008 at 8:59 AM  

She's fricken nuts!! Palin is nuts!

I used to love the smell of Bazooka gum. ; )

Mtnhighmama October 5, 2008 at 9:23 AM  

ahahhahahah! This post is seriously funny. I was already grinning, but when you started giving out application tips, that actually made me laugh out loud.

I never liked bazooka, so I'd buy it just for the comic and the fortune and throw away the gum. Until I discovered that I could get jokes on laffy taffy wrappers, then I was a convert.

tangobaby October 5, 2008 at 11:03 AM  

Hi constance,

I know one woman right now who is voting for Palin because Hillary didn't get the nomination. She seems to be a progressive, very hard-working, and her reasoning totally threw me for a loop.

I don't care what gender is in the White House as long as that person is the most qualified, period.

I'm glad you're settled and in your new nest. I'll be dropping by again, to be sure.

xoxo

Hi christina,

If she's nuts, then what does that say about her followers? I don't think she's nuts, per se. I think she's savvy and probably has a quick mind, but has not had enough opportunities to use it outside of a very narrow frame of reference.

Yeah, Bazooka is the original bubblegum smell, isn't it?

Hi mtnhighmama,

I'm glad I made you laugh today. It's all true, what I said. If you use the right kind of brush, you don't get those cheekbone stripes.

I was going to make another comment about her having that tanning bed in her office, but she'll learn the hard way in years to come that radiation is not her friend.

I have to say that I never took to Laffy Taffy. I had a small aversion to sticky candy that could possibly extract a tooth, based on an unfortunate experience with Dots.

Hey, do you remember those candy cigarettes? Even when I was little, I thought those were questionable.

Mtnhighmama October 5, 2008 at 11:13 AM  

ewww....yeah, I remember those. They were all chalky and powdery. I didn't like those at all.

The other day I came across Bonkers. They're still making them! I couldn't believe it. I had a total reminiscence right there in the store and my kids kept pulling on me to leave. Do you remember the commercials where the fruit would fall on a wary person sitting on the porch?

willow October 5, 2008 at 11:59 AM  

Carl Sagan?! You're too cute. Wonder why Bazooka was SO hard? I have fond memories of aching jaw bones and popped bubbles stuck to my eyebrows.

Blue Sky Dreaming October 5, 2008 at 12:57 PM  

Hello Tango Baby, These days are the political crunch...McCain is going to turn up the heat on personal attacks...oh here we go! I'm one of the many Santa Cruz believers that believe this time we will win instead of fear! You are so right about Palin's blush as well as all the other on spot comments!
Mary Ann

Carol October 5, 2008 at 1:01 PM  

Wow.. a few minutes of absolutely nothing of substance coming out of her mouth. As per usual of course :-)

My goodness, I cannot stand this woman.

Di Mackey October 5, 2008 at 1:25 PM  

Congratulations on speaking out. That woman is driving me crazy and I'm a New Zealander living in Belgium which makes the American elections absolutely none of my business but it is because I travel, I have American friends and I don't want that creature having any say in how America deals with other countries.

I guess there's going to be some pretty cool intelligent women in that corner of hell ... as per Palin's idiotic outpourings.

namastenancy October 5, 2008 at 3:39 PM  

I remember that candy! I remember the candy cigarettes and how cool I thought they were. Ok, I was five but still, cool. About Sarah the Pain. Oh lord have mercy - the miles and miles of c--p commentary that have been wasted on that poster girl for Republican dishonesty. The assumption was that women will vote for her because she's a woman and unfortunately, some will. But I learned the hard way that not all women are feminists, not all women share my ethics and my values and not all women are alike. You'd think that we wouldn't have to point out this obvious fact in 2008?
But the make-up tips? Priceless.

tangobaby October 6, 2008 at 12:59 PM  

Hi mtnhighmama,

I have to admit that I have no idea what Bonkers are. I remember Lik-em-stix vividly, and Sugar Daddies, but no Bonkers. I don't even remember the television commercial!

Hi willow,

It's true about Carl Sagan. He was my first boyfriend (even if it was imaginary) and I still hold the highest regard for his passion and intellect.

As to the gum, yeah! Why was it so damn hard? I think that's why a generation of kids turned to Bubblicious, and you could blow bigger bubbles with it, I think. I don't remember Bazooka blowing very good bubbles and it lost its taste pretty fast, too.

Hi blue sky dreaming,

I know, it will get nasty. But that's all McCain can do now...what else is he going to talk about? I wonder how bad it will be in tomorrow's debate, especially considering what's going on in the stock market today.

Thank you for coming over to visit. It's been a while since I've been over the hill to Santa Cruz!

;-)

Hi carol,

It's not so much that she says nothing of real significance that bothers me as much as the fact that a lot of people don't seem to notice.

You must be so tired of us. I know I am.

Hi namastenancy,

I'm picturing you as a five year old with a pack of candy cigarettes and that is really making me smile big time.

I used to think that Palin was chosen to appeal to women, but less and less I think that. It's to get the evangelical base that didn't like McCain before now.