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Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Faw Down, Go Boom

So, I'm just curious... what word do you blurt out loud without any self-control when something unexpectedly unpleasant happens?

Apparently my free-association word of choice is the f-word. And I say it really loud, too.


Goodness gracious. I haven't done that in a long time.

Wipe out, bite the dust, take a spill.

I totally killed myself at the bakery on the way home from work today. I thought it would be fun to have a little chocolate chip cookie to eat on the train.

Fate was against me.

Upon collecting my cookie, I took maybe one or two steps before my entire self was falling to the floor as predicted by Newton's law of universal gravitation. I don't even know what I did.

Well, I do know what I did. I fell on every part of my body that was sticking out to keep me from falling: knee, left hip (ow, that one's gonna have a big bruise), elbows, heel of one hand, and even my iPhone (it still works!). But the most exciting part was smacking the left side of my head against a cement column. Don't do that. It makes a really bad sound.

While I was doing all of this stunt double stuff, I was saying the f-word at volume. And just to punctuate the moment, my hot little chocolate chip cookie flew out of my hand and landed on the sidewalk about two feet away from my head. Pathetic.

Everyone in the bakery was stunned, including me. Instantly I wanted my mom, a natural reflex, even at my age (but I would have had to lie there for an hour or two if I wanted her to drive up to the city to kiss my boo-boos). I did not cry, but the lady gave me another cookie and an extra one, as a bonus. I felt like I was five years old.

The point of all of this mini-drama made me wonder what it is in our brains in times of crisis that makes us choose to say one word over another? I mean, I could have said "Shoot!" or "Blueberry!" but instead I happen to choose another word.

I'm sure Oliver Sacks could explain this to me, but right now I'm just going to watch my step.

You people be careful out there, okay?


Another reason for this post is that in keeping with my continued unintentional penchant for associating little tidbits of my life to movies, I wanted to mention a Laurel and Hardy 1928 silent called We Faw Down. I haven't seen it in a long time, but I remember it fondly. This film was the precursor to one of my very favorite films of the boys, Sons of the Desert.

There, just thinking about Laurel and Hardy is making me feel a little better.


Christina July 16, 2008 at 8:01 PM  

Yep, I'm with ya on the F bomb! There is something about that word that just- steels my wool. LOL

Please be careful!

I won't make any comments about the chocolate chip cookies, not one. : )

Relyn July 16, 2008 at 8:32 PM  

Maybe I need to apologize. You see, I am a truly terrible friend. I am still laughing at your post. I am nothing but sorry that you fell. Truly. I just find falls so amusing. Any second now I'm going to wake Sloane up with my snorting and howling. Every time I stop laughing, I imagine your glamorous self yelling, F#^!! F$%*!! F..!!!!" all the way down and I start laughing all over again.

OK - better now. Thank you for the laugh. It was good. I truly am sorry you are hurt, but glad nothing is broken. Put an icepack on that head and make sure The Boy treats you extra special tonight.

Oh, one more thing, it's a little known fact that calories don't count when consumed while injured. In light of that, why not have some Jr. Mint's too?

xxooxx ~ R.

Elizabeth July 16, 2008 at 9:03 PM  

That is awful! Gosh I hope you are O.K. with no lasting effects.
FYI I would say Oh Shit. I am sure of it.
kisses and hugs on all the owies.

Johanna July 16, 2008 at 10:18 PM  

Goodness, TB! Is this yet another exciting activity experiment as stunt double?! Sorry, like Relyn, the image of you flailing with cooking in hand did make me smile. Just smile. I'm a better friend than Relyn.

My inner mommy sends you butterfly kisses to make it all better.

studio wellspring July 17, 2008 at 7:50 AM  

oh poor hunny ~ i'm so glad you weren't more seriously injured. an iphone & cookie can be very distracting and cause anyone to fall off balance. but this proves it once & for all that you should always bring your cookie monster friend with you to buy cookies .... then if any mishaps should occur i'll be there to stop your fall before a pole or sidewalk does. ;o)

tangobaby July 17, 2008 at 10:05 AM  

Hi christina,

Yeah, I'm not sure if I stunned everyone because of my spectacular stunt dive or because of my foul mouth. I am also not sure which one was more embarrassing...

The saddest part of all was that the damned cookie didn't even taste that good afterwards. I must have been in shock because when does a fresh chocolate chip cookie NOT taste good? I threw it away.

boo hoo.

Hi Relyn,

Actually, I'm GLAD you laughed! I laughed too. (After I got home and started writing.) I'm just like you and I know it's wrong to laugh at someone, but maybe I grew up watching too much slapstick and so I have bad manners now.

I would have to put ice on my bottom/thigh. That's where the giant lump is. I thankfully did not get a bruise on my face (if I have one on my head then my hair is covering it) but I was all prepared to say that I got into a fight and make up some dramatic story.

Telling someone you fell in a bakery isn't very exciting.

Hi Elizabeth,

Thank you for the kisses on my owies, and just so you know, I am taking a poll at work and the girl who sits in front of me would say Shit too.

Hi Johanna,

It's okay if you did laugh. I would have! And just so you know, I did not exaggerate any of the story, even the part with the cookie.

I love butterfly kisses, even when they tickle. Thank you!

Hi Ms. Wellspring,

It's official. I want you to be my mommy, too. The Peach is going to be such a lucky little girl to have you as her mommy!

Next time I need a cookie, I will certainly send you on an expedition for me. But right now, I'm kind of put off from the whole idea. They just don't sound appealing today!

Annie July 17, 2008 at 12:29 PM  

Oh OUCH!! This sounds like something I did about three years ago and it sounds like you are going to have a honey of a black eye, cheek, chin - something - not to mention one heck of a lump on your head and muscle stiffness. I soooo feel your pain. One box of virtual cookies is coming your way.

And what did I SAY while I was laying there, limbs splayed, glasses in parts unknown, neighbors hovering, etc. etc. ad nauseum? Not to mention a fire truck/rescue vehicle arriving (I kid you NOT) I was saying "no, no, no, no," over and over again. I HATE falling and do it far too much.

koolricky July 17, 2008 at 4:57 PM  

Dear tangobaby, I am really sorry about what happened. You always manage to put things in a cheerful way and that is why I keep coming to this blog (well, other things as well!). It cheers my day (or night) as well!

AND, now you know that people in the bakery love you. Two cookies? That's a treat!

As for the words... Hum, good question!

tangobaby July 18, 2008 at 10:32 AM  

Hi Annie,

Oh, your story sounds even worse than mine! I think both of us need to be very very careful. I am sitting on a heating pad as I write this.

I don't know what lesson I've learned, but I tell you, I sure hope I never do this again. You be careful, too, okay?

At least you didn't have an embarrassing swearing outburst, too.

Hi Koolricky,

I am picturing a handsome tango dancing physician-to-be that would come to my rescue (I bet he has a charming accent, too) and help me get up off the floor.

Do you know any of those sorts of fellows? ;-)

I think I am off of cookies now. That's too much work to get them for free!

Perhaps you are too much of a gentleman to swear like Miss Potty Mouth here.

koolricky July 18, 2008 at 1:27 PM  

I am picturing a handsome tango dancing physician-to-be that would come to my rescue (I bet he has a charming accent, too) and help me get up off the floor.

Hopefully, not a tango floor! ;oD Tango and cookies... Possible?

tangobaby July 18, 2008 at 4:33 PM  

My god, koolricky, please not on a dance floor! I was still thinking about the bakery when I wrote that.

I did fall (once, and that was enough) and so did my partner, at a practica. He was trying to make me do a leg wrap and I didn't know what he wanted and the next thing you knew, Boom! We both ended up on the floor. Our teacher was NOT thrilled, to say the least. We got in trouble.

We did laugh but as you can imagine, it was horribly embarrassing. Now when I see him we always promise each other that we will not make each other fall down.

Tango and cookies might work out fine. I think I should go to Scotland. Just a thought.

julochka July 19, 2008 at 5:46 AM  

my crisis word is also the f-word. said loudly and repeatedly. but it's usually when i've just dropped the fabulous dinner i've made outside on the ground. and to be fair, the f-word isn't as offensive in denmark as in the US. but it does mean i have to watch my step when i'm home.

koolricky July 19, 2008 at 6:26 AM  

Tango and cookies might work out fine. I think I should go to Scotland. Just a thought.

Aye! ;o)

Red Shoes July 19, 2008 at 11:49 AM  

Aw, sweetie. Sorry you're hurt.

My expletive of choice is usually "motherfucker", so...whatever. That's what cuss words are for: moments when shitty things happen. (Well, ok, and just as general-usage vocabulary, if you're me. I'm awful.)

dutchbaby July 20, 2008 at 5:55 AM  

Ouch! If I say that I didn't laugh or smile a little bit, does that make me a better friend than Relyn or Johanna? You know you've arrived when your blogger friends are vying for your affections. Well okay, the truth, I laughed and smiled. I hope your booboos are healing before long. xxxoxo

tangobaby July 21, 2008 at 9:45 AM  

Hi Koolricky,

I am thinking of going as a stowaway on a ship, like the Marx Brothers. You can meet me at the pier. What kind of cookies shall I bring? Do you have Oreos in Scotland?

Hi Red Shoes,

I like your word and I'm laughing at you saying it with your soft voice and fiery eyes. Actually I used to swear a lot more but then my ex told me I sounded like a sailor (I don't know what's wrong with that) but my swearing got squelched.

Hi dutchbaby,

I want you all to vye for my affections and I can say truthfully that I love you all. Whether you laughed at me or not.

I think you should laugh. I did. Well, not right then, but I did laugh *later*.