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Friday, December 12, 2008

Dig Deeper


"And, everyone who ever had a heart
They wouldn't turn around and break it
And anyone who ever played a part
Oh wouldn't turn around and hate it."

~ Lou Reed, "Sweet Jane"

***


Here I am.

No, Oprah did not call.

No, John Podesta did not call.

Despite my apparent virtual fame (lol), I'm still here.

***

I can see now where those people who were on a season's reality tv show or that poor doofus Joe the Plumber got all bedazzled by some sudden portion of starlight and sunshine. Look at me! You finally found me!

I'm somebody!

Well, truth is that we were all somebodies before the searchlight, right? We all had a life. You don't need 6,102 hits in a day to prove it (truth be told, the vast majority of hits are not readers).

It's nice to think that some of you here suddenly feel like I'm the little golden nugget you found after spending hours in the cold stream, panning through muddy silt. And here I show up in the bottom of the tray, glinting at you. That's cool. But dig deeper. I dare you to read this blog. Not just the last three posts but a whole bunch of 'em if you really mean it. Then you can decide if I'm still golden and if we still have something to say to each other.

And for those of you who've been here with me the whole time, maybe months or more than a year, you know, as with your own selves, you scratch the surface and there's so much more than you can even begin to write. And then there are the things that will never get said at all, but you still hope that people can read between the lines. Or see it in a photo because words just aren't enough sometimes.

***

"If you do not breathe through writing, if you do not cry out in writing, or sing in writing, then don't write, because our culture has no use for it." ~ Anaïs Nin

A few types of comments jump out at me:

I'd love to have a blog but I don't know how.
I don't have anything to say.
I'm boring.

For those of us who've been blogging for a while, we've been more than pleasantly surprised that the act is a reward in itself. Our blogs become a virtual studio, an open creative space, and a salon where like minds congregate. There's no impetus to succeed or stand out; in fact, it's a place to get away from all that stuff: Stretch your brain while you exercise your fingers. Manipulate thoughts into words and see if that effort translates into something beyond what you meant.

So grab that brass ring and write and share, for reals. And if the blog doesn't feel like your thing, then go out and do something else. There are no real rewards at the end of the day, just your creativity and your happiness.

***

This morning I made my own infernal music loop (in response to the earworm saga yesterday) by listening to the Cowboy Junkies' cover of Velvet Underground's "Sweet Jane." But this time it's a song I really love, sometimes crave to hear (isn't it funny that you can crave a sound just like something to eat?) so I purposely wanted to hear it as many times as I could before leaving for work.

The Boy had not heard this song before, and we slow-danced in our pj's to it. I nuzzled his neck. Margo Timmins has such a sexy voice.

Before I left for work, he says, "You know what Sweet Jane really is, right? It's heroin."

I figured the lyrics had something to do with drugs, but never gave it much thought. I just like the song. But that's what I mean. Dig deeper. There are little hidden truths buried all over the place. Not just here.



***

ps.: I took that photo a few weeks ago, in the Tenderloin before going to that talk about Benjamin Franklin I told you about. What's really attracting me lately in my photos as I sort through them are the ones that are full of contrasts or contradictions. This image in particular really says more to me than I can describe.

20 comments:

Char December 12, 2008 at 10:57 AM  

I can understand the thoughts about fame because to me, on some level, we all want a time to shine. You definitely shine and I'm glad I found you. And...a Cowboy Junkie fan - I adore them. And there is nothing better in the world than slow dancing in PJ's and nuzzling.

Bill Stankus December 12, 2008 at 11:32 AM  

I understand what you are saying and doing ... the goofy part of blogging is, potentially, millions of people could read a particular blog. While that might happen for famous people and certain media types, blogging as we know it has a small readership following.

The Blog of Note thing, seems innocent and I suspect for most that get noted, things return to normalcy with time.

But for a while you are a bigger bubble and lots of new people will read what they will, some will check out your sidebar links and a some will disappear after one peek. Demographics!

When you hire a staff to assist with blog management - that's when it's worry time!

The Rambler December 12, 2008 at 1:14 PM  

I am back...because I find your gold to be very shiny :)

Loved what you said about writing...absolutely.

Nowadays, me and the Kid are dancing...and it's usually disney related..(sigh, but a happy one)

Until tomorrow Shiny Gold. :)

Liz December 12, 2008 at 1:29 PM  

Being new to your blog, thanks to BoN, and being interested in reading more... do you have any favorite posts that you recommend? That were really important to you?

Liz

tangobaby December 12, 2008 at 1:45 PM  

Hi everyone, I'm supposed to be doing my timesheet right now but I wanted to at least say hello.

And Liz,

You just made me put my thinking cap on. Thank you for being interested to do a little backstory. Of course I'd mention anything here or in my flickr or JPG if you're into photography at all, because I love feedback on that.

Of course you can scroll down to the bottom and look at the tags/labels on the right-hand side and choose the ones that interest you, and that will take you to a myriad of posts, but off the top of my head here are a few:

http://tangobaby2.blogspot.com/2008/03/hope-for-future.html

http://tangobaby2.blogspot.com/2008/04/beauty-of-impermanance.html

http://tangobaby2.blogspot.com/2008/06/parabola-of-writer-or-on-coming-to-this.html

http://tangobaby2.blogspot.com/search?q=chasing+beauty

those are a few for now...perhaps you'll let me know your favorites. And thanks for taking the time, all of you guys and gals.

xoxo

smith kaich jones December 12, 2008 at 2:41 PM  

Once upon a time I studied photography in college. So long ago that you wouldn't know of that time, me being so much older than you & knowing that Sweet Jane was about heroin - LOL! - & the teacher of that very course (who is now a good friend) used to tell a tale about a friend of his who was a classical pianist. And people would come up to him and say "Oh, I'd give anything if I could just play the piano like you" & it used to make him mad, because, obviously, they wouldn't, or hadn't - he'd spent years & years practicing hours every day. And now that I've told that story it sounds mean, doesn't it? I don't mean for it to. It's just that the teacher's point was just like yours - you have to try something, you have to do it, and do it again, and make mistakes, and make more & keep going. And you either will find out you're a photographer, or a pianist, or a blogger, or whatever, or you'll find out that hey, this just ain't working for me, and you'll move on.

So for everybody who told you they had nothing to say, I would beg to differ. I had nothing to say either and I've been saying it for quite a while now.

Give it a shot.

:) Debi

Complicated Emotions December 12, 2008 at 3:31 PM  

You're blogs very interesting. I, myself am i first timer at writing blogs. Although i have only wrote 3 i've found that it helps you "breathe through writing". I thought to begin with i would have nothing to say, but once you start opening up you need to get it all out. I think people need to give it a shot :)

Johanna December 12, 2008 at 5:10 PM  

I don't know, TB. Half the time people kindly suggest I stop digging...

chaos in one body December 12, 2008 at 6:16 PM  

TB i am one of those that has recently found your blog through BON. i love how you just write of the top of your head as a journal. i have recently started this my blog. i am using it as journal since i suck at keeping an actual journal. i thought this might be more suitable since i spend most my day on the internet.

i love the comment you said about keep on digging. i usually keep multiple qoutes around as motivation, keeping faith, just to bring happiness. this will be added to the collection. thanks.

Dwacon® December 12, 2008 at 8:33 PM  

Congrats on the recognition by Blogger! Keep up the good work... and let us know when SF real estate drops a bit. :-)

Trudi December 12, 2008 at 9:58 PM  

I'm always up for a good dare. I put you on my blogroll so I can add you to my morning ritual. It's nice to meet you.

Ed T. December 12, 2008 at 10:25 PM  

I agree with your thoughts. I started my blog in hopes (naively) of achieving 'fame'. But it turned into more of an introspective, community finding, holistically creative experience obviously. (thank Heavens).

dutchbaby December 13, 2008 at 8:12 AM  

With all due respect to Mr. Stankus, I think that most of your followers will stick around. Your blog is not just a flash in the pan. You are open, honest, and interesting - that will keep people coming again and again.

xoxo

Mtnhighmama December 13, 2008 at 11:38 AM  

They're here because you announced your intention to run for presidency in the next election. These are your constituents, TB, so you better work it.

You won't need and/or have time for that job in 4 year's time. Go ahead and give it up now.

Justin December 13, 2008 at 5:09 PM  

I used to be an avid writer/poet/story teller, but now I find myself fighting that inner conflict all the time. i always figure what I write today is just a load of malarkey, so why should i waste time and energy putting forth effort into something that will sit idly amongst millions of other blogs that DO posses the content worth reading. I'm drifting away from that thought process now, and this blog entry of yours is a nice push out the door into the world of free thought and exploration. thanks for putting things into perspective.

That song is lovely. Also, the “Wind” video was priceless. Absolutely loved it

Sadaf Trimarchi December 13, 2008 at 7:51 PM  

The Cowboy Junkies version of Sweet Jane has got to be one of my all time favorite songs ever. Margo Timmons (?) voice is just so incredible. Of course I had no idea what she was singing about really, when i heard it back in high school a million years ago. Makes more sense now that I'm older.

S

Buy1Give1 December 14, 2008 at 6:36 AM  

Hey thanks for a great hit.Keep doing great stuff.

Warmest
David Anttony

robinbird December 15, 2008 at 11:31 PM  

i loved the entire post. you do have a way of offering up a challenge. i heard this one as: "I dare you to be your true self and much more" dig deep and read between the lines. that is what i love about blogging. who knew i had so much to say and learn about myself? i am an avid cowboy junkie fan and girl that little scenario you described with the pjs and nuzzling neck was one of the dearest images i have ever pictured in my mind from reading a post.
never stop digging girl.

Christina December 16, 2008 at 9:49 AM  

This picture has to be one of my favorites. I read every word you wrote here but I am stuck on your wonderful photography.

WindDancer December 21, 2008 at 4:09 PM  

Tango, you are a breath of fresh air in this crazy regimented, I want stuff world. I am still blogging, kind of disappointed in what I write, haven't been doing it long enough to let the carefree, crazy child in me come out. Read your blogs all the time, I laugh, giggle & also am going to look @ some of the old pictures you have listed. Deja Vue, Windancer