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Wednesday, March 25, 2009

At least my aura is glowing...

In a serious attempt to avoid throwing up-- People, please. I'm asking you a huge favor... if you ever hear me say that I'm going to have popcorn again for dinner, STOP me. I don't know how you'll do that, but I know in my heart that you want the best for me and you will try to keep me from making bad food choices... like having popcorn for dinner, which leads to the inevitable tummyache and we are OUT of Pepto-Bismol and yes, it's my own damn fault. So just promise, okay?--

Anyway, to keep my mind distracted, I decided to re-read an email I got from my sister today, regarding my niece, Little Curly Girl (you all remember her...):

"Wish us luck--we're potty training. She got married this morning in my black spiky heeled boots and black cocktail dress. She peed in the dress and into the boots... But she was a beautiful bride. Pictures to follow..."

I think the gist of the email is clear but what you don't know is that my sister and LCG had their honeymoon in Fiji, before the peeing incident. I think that is so romantic. I wonder what the pictures will be like.

(I guess the potty training train derailed a few months back when Princess Chubness was born-- who has been renamed The Forgotten Child because being the second, totally chill and happy baby that she is, no one is taking any photos of her-- anyway, having that kind of distraction kept LCG's Potty Training Train from leaving the station. So my sister thought to tell LCG that brides know how to use the toilet [that's a ruse, certainly] but unfortunately the idea of being a bride and then going on a romantic honeymoon with her mother to Fiji was not enough.)

See, just in writing this and laughing, I almost am forgetting about my poor tummy and what I've done tonight. Perhaps I've cured you of some small ill, too.

***

If I have not cured you (and you needed curing), I want you to know that there is a product that will improve the appearance of your aura. I bought some body oil today, by the brand Aura Glow. (I think body oil is way better than a moisturizer after a shower--okay, maybe that's a little too personal but I am always trying to provide you with helpful and inexpensive beauty advice).

Anyway, I didn't think much of the brand name, until I read on the label that the formula was recommended by none other than Edgar Cayce, and it "has actually been shown to brighten the physical aura when it is used."

To quote the inimitable Dave Barry: I am not making this up.

So now my aura is lavender scented and obviously brighter, even though I can't tell (does this mean I can read in the dark without my booklight?). I do have to say that I sincerely wish there was a Carl Sagan body oil because I'd be all over that sh*t.

Okay, I think between making fun of my new body product AND picturing my niece peeing in my sister's black cocktail dress and high heeled boots, dressed as a tiny Goth bride, is totally better than downing a couple spoons of Pepto-Bismol.

And on that note, my aura and I bid you a fond adieu.

***

UPDATE 5:02am: There is really no good reason for me to be awake this early, but I wanted to add that right now up at the top of my gmail inbox is an automated link (you know how Google thinks it knows what you want to read about?), and it's a recipe for:

FRENCH FRY SPAM CASSEROLE

(Again, I am not making this up.)

The secret ingredient (no kidding) is Corn Flakes.

I guess I could have had that for dinner instead of the popcorn..


18 comments:

A Beautiful Mind March 25, 2009 at 11:13 PM  

Oh the hilarity! You never fail to brighten my aura, Julie, and for that I am forever grateful.

Carol March 25, 2009 at 11:52 PM  

Potty training can be an absolute nightmare. It was the one thing that I dreaded the most when Dylan was younger. Fortunately, I just went with the flow and left it as late as possible. Consequently, we never experienced any problems at all.

Now popcorn for dinner... Very nourishing LOL

Cartooncharacter March 26, 2009 at 1:31 AM  

Peeing in her bridal gown and bridal boots is a sure sign of cold feet. The groom is going to be waiting at the alter in vain, for sure.

I am surprised at you, Ms. Queen of Cuisine, popcorn for dinner. Tummyache? Sweet justice, I say. ;)

This is your 3rd official reminder... N & J's milonga, Sunday, 5-9pm... Jennifer will have some great finger food for sure (popcorn is so declasse) so that is reason enough to go, as well as all the fine leaders (like me) who are dying to dance with you again!

a painter March 26, 2009 at 4:50 AM  

Well, that was definitley an interesting post! Babies, potty training, and Edgar Cayce, all things I can relate to. I remember when my best friend went off to Virgina Beach to study Cayce. She later became a belly dancer and then moved to Australia 20 years ago where she remains to this day. There is no telling what will happen to you.

Popcorn! Not just for dinner any more! And my word verification just happens to be TUMS!! What's with that?!

paris parfait March 26, 2009 at 5:01 AM  

Ha ha! The hilarious antics of children. Sorry about the tummyache. But come on, popcorn for dinner? That's almost as bad as the Pralines and Cream ice cream I had for dinner earlier this week. :) xoxox

Gaston Studio March 26, 2009 at 6:24 AM  

I've got an iron gut so regularly have popcorn for dinner with no serious after effects (you can be envious if you like).

Can totally picture curly girl peeing in the cocktail dress and boots; I had to potty train two little girls and a little boy and now am potty training a puppy... well not really potty training but you get the idea.

Am heading over to find out more about the aura changing thingie... I really need my aura changed after reading this post!

Mari March 26, 2009 at 7:26 AM  

Too much popcorn makes me feel sick, too, especially on an empty stomach. I want to try some body oil, and I want to cuddle that baby. Too cute!

Lisa March 26, 2009 at 7:44 AM  

I can see why Bee would love your blogs!

Funny - this morning I indulged in some Watkins lemon creme scented body lotion because it's so gray and blah here. I thought it would brighten me up. I didn't think what it might do to my aura!

Your nieces are gorgeous.

Yoli March 26, 2009 at 8:01 AM  

I like the wedding dress and choice of shoes. So up my alley. The baby is gorgeous, good luck to your sister in potty training. My daughter was easy, my son refuses so he will go to college in depends.

I have a similar problem with corn. I absolutely love it but cannot digest it well. Be it on the cob or as popcorn it is not kind on my digestive system.

Gabby March 26, 2009 at 8:25 AM  

Whenever I am off kilter, I always enjoy getting my aura rolfed. While it is a painful procedure, I have come the cherish the afterglow that follows me around for days, casting itself like a rainbow embrace about the shoulders of everyone I meet and adding to a "fresh new car smell" about me that attracts marsupials. I recommend it with gusto!

Tiny T March 26, 2009 at 8:32 AM  

yeah... you could've had that for dinner but you would've still spent the night in the bathroom. your niece is beautiful. it's amazing the kind of inspiration we can draw from children.

Char March 26, 2009 at 8:40 AM  

LOL I've been given that recipe before as a tease because cornflakes are my secret ingredient in my hash brown casserole recipe! hahahaha

ahhhh nieces - aren't they just a cure all???? yes...I'm nodding my head. my oldest niece is in the "you're my best friend" phase.

and lavender scented auras? those must be the very best.

namastenancy March 26, 2009 at 11:55 AM  

Julie - you are one of a kind. Seriously, you should publish this blog as a "Year in the life." The writing and the photos are so fabulous and you always make me laugh. A tiny Goth bride indeed! And Princess Chubness should not be the Forgotten Child because she is absolutely gorgeous. I'm sorry that popcorn does not agree with you; it's one of my favorite snacks but I try not to have it too often for fear of Le Waistline expanding even further. However, I will go and look for the oil that you recommend. I love after-shower goodies and if it will improve my aura, well, what more can I ask?

Linda! March 26, 2009 at 12:33 PM  

Good luck with your potty training! Here's a link to a certificate with a "Potty Train" on it to help reward and encourage your blushing bride:

http://www.pottytrainwithbabysigns.com/dl.html

The Pink Cowboy March 26, 2009 at 1:56 PM  

Try Champagne and Truffles for dinner, it never gives me a stomachache.

What a darling peeing incident. When I read it I thought- "This is poetry" and continued doing my house chores laughing.

I am about to take an auralicious bath with lavender and jasmine oil. My aura need all the Love and attention it can get.

Sending you Pink Glitter from the Ranch to restore your swirling chakras to top performance.

robinbird March 27, 2009 at 9:24 PM  

chips (classic ruffles) and dip sour cream with onion soup mix) were on the menu tonight in my cabin at the beach.. yumm
i knew i wanted to return and read this post :) i kept looking up at your header and seeing you there heee heeeing all over the page and i am beginning to understand that you are always available for fun and bad food. i cannot wait to try my hand at aura oiling at my office.
xo

Christina March 29, 2009 at 7:45 AM  

I love your sister too. And you know I'm down with curly girl!

Is the tummy better? Popcorn just has mad game. Say baby come on over here and pop me. Oh lawd, the flesh is week.

I want dat oil! It's calling my name.
xo

a.k.a MAMMARAZZI March 29, 2009 at 2:31 PM  

I loved this post - been there done that with the popcorn :o)