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Friday, August 1, 2008

Luck Be a Lady

Good news! My luck is changing!

I just got a gigantic bird shit dropping on my favorite sweater while I was minding my own goddamn business and going for a little walk to get some fresh air.

I am convinced that this is the giantest bird poo ever, but since this is the first time a bird has pooped on me, of course it is going to color my opinion of how large a poop it is.

Not to be totally shallow (but what the hell), but I looked really cute today. I was very stylish in peep-toed lizard pumps, a denim pencil skirt, a crisp white blouse and then my favorite sweater. And Kat just did my hair yesterday so I am still basking in the glow of my hair's sleekdom fabulousness.

Thank god it didn't crap in my hair or I would have really lost it.

So right after the poop, these two young touristy guys standing next to me smiled and laughed (but not meanly, they were sympathetic) as I scrambled to the nearby hot dog cart to grab a bunch of napkins. I was picturing the poop oozing through my sweater and then possibly touching my skin, like when the acid alien blood eats through the metal in the spaceship in the movie Alien.

The happy couple laughing and eating their hot dogs were totally oblivious to my desperate need for napkins and they were in my freaking way and blocking the napkin dispenser. I wanted to howl at them.

Meanwhile, the nice touristy guys slightly ogled me while I took off my sweater, and they were very kind to check my hair while I tried not to freak out and act like a girl. One of the guys was drinking Coffee-Mate out of a little plastic bottle (he must have thought it was some sort of smoothie), and the other one told me in heavily accented English that today is my lucky day.

In his country, when a bird craps on you, it's considered good luck.

I told him Well, I'm not in your country and I prefer to receive my good luck in different ways. We laughed together while I held my poopy sweater rolled in a ball and his companion glanced at my cleavage again.

Unfortunately, the sweater had been covering the button that routinely pulls and gaps where my bra is.

Tell me, dear ones, what kind of good luck should I expect to receive? It better be damn good because I almost feel like I need therapy right now, and I'm too grossed out to eat Junior Mints to get over it.


Photo is Everyones Lucky number , originally uploaded by DxB★SecreT

You should have seen the photo I almost posted, but then I decided to spare you.


Christina August 1, 2008 at 4:50 PM  

I want to laugh but I can't! I am deadly afraid of this happening to me. Lucky? Please, lucky that bird didn't land near me.

What I can laugh at in this post:

1. You swear really good!

2. OMG! You sound like you dress too cute!

3. Fricken coffee mate????

4. Junior mints!!!

Love this post, friend : )

Greg August 1, 2008 at 4:52 PM  

that is a truly colorful tale you've woven.

btw, love the mia wallace reference....very cool...and I like your photo of the yes we can house!

katie August 1, 2008 at 7:46 PM  

Aw! Scumbag bird.

Anonymous August 1, 2008 at 9:12 PM  

You know, TB, if you really want sympathy, you're going to have to be less frickin' hilarious.

I'm sorry the bird pooped on you. But I'm really glad 'cause I really needed a laugh.

Vanessa August 2, 2008 at 4:17 AM  

Well, I think getting some appreciation for the well-put-together outfit and the hair that goes swish does make up for some transgressions, don't you? ;-)

Mel August 2, 2008 at 6:12 AM  

Must be a European thing - Remember in "Under the Tuscan Sun" the old woman isn't going to sell her the villa and then a bird christens her and "it's a sign!"

I feel for you - this happens to Hubby every time we go to Disney World, which is yearly :) Mostly sea gulls - He's just glad it hasn't been a Pelican...yet!

My Castle in Spain August 2, 2008 at 7:06 AM  

er...may be you won't laugh but in France as well, poo is synonymous of luck (i think in Italy too but not too sure).
We even literally wish someone luck by saying loudly "and lots of shit to you !"

so...you lucky !!

margie August 2, 2008 at 8:06 AM  

okay, poop on you! i just had a little look at the "i'm new to photography" blog and i can only say "poop on you". your photos are great, as is your writing. will you ever wear the sweater again? think about that one!!

paris parfait August 3, 2008 at 7:11 AM  

Well many European cultures swear it's good luck! And you've told the tale so sweetly. :) And you were right, I did see Junior Mints at SFO. But I was so annoyed by the 1 hour and 20 minute wait in line (beginning at 4:45 a.m.), I couldn't think about getting any - or I might have had to go to the back of the line! Sigh. xoxox

Relyn August 4, 2008 at 9:27 AM  

Well, now I gotta see the photo you almost posted. Is it on Flickr. You know, in case I haven't laughed enough already.

tangobaby August 4, 2008 at 2:04 PM  

Hi guys!

Thanks for laughing and being patient with me in my mania. It's nice to know that you still like me even when I'm somewhat disturbed.

Since the furor has pretty much subsided now, although I'm still taking it personally, I do want you to know that I washed my sweater and it's as good as new. I think I'm over the trauma enough so that I will wear it again someday.

For those of you who laughed at me, and were brave enough to tell me so, good for you. I would have laughed at me, too. But it's the guy who was drinking the non-dairy coffee creamer that I'm really worried about now.

When my luck pans out from all of this, I'll be sure to let you know. Hopefully the poop won't be on the other shoulder.


studio wellspring August 4, 2008 at 9:46 PM  

i'm sorry you had to deal with it because i know it would be so yucky ~ but thanks for sharing your story with us any way... very kind of you. especially since it was so well told. and yes, you do now get oodles of good luck. maybe you should go out & buy some lotto tickets quick. ;o)